He reverted to his earliest childhood sensibilities

My friend Frank was a bit strange. Don't get me wrong, he was a great guy but he had been very sheltered in high school. He was the type of person that was brilliant at trivia and current events but didn't know basic things like how to fill up his car's gas tank. I guess you could say he was kind of an absent-minded professor sort.

He wasn't introduced to the joys of alcohol until his first year of university. And when he went out to the bar, it was all-or-none. Either he would stay completely sober, or he would go on a complete bender and get totally wrecked. Lately, it had increasingly been the latter of the two. A week before my story takes place he had been thrown out of a nightclub for passing out while trying to finish "The Wall" (for those unfamiliar with the term, the objective is to try and drink all of the different types of beers that the bar serves by closing time).

One warm summer evening a bunch of us, including Frank, decided to hit a local redneck bar. None of us particularly liked country music but it was 99-cent beer night. Frank proceeded to get shit-faced on the cheap draft. Barney Gumble would have been proud. By the end of the night (after he ran out of money) he resorted to drinking the remains left behind by complete strangers. It was especially funny when he almost drank a discarded beer that had a cigarette butt in it! When Frank started stealing the beers still being consumed by other bar patrons and smashing the glasses together we knew it was only a matter of time before he would get his ass kicked, so we pre-emptively decided to take him home.

After we dropped Frank off at his parents' house, he proceeded to puke all over their kitchen floor. He then went to use the bathroom. He wound up spewing in there too, while taking a shit in the bathtub! At that point, Frank reverted back to his earliest childhood sensibilities and went looking for "mommy and daddy." He dropped his trousers to his ankles and waddled into his parents' bedroom.

Dressed only in his boxers and a vomit splattered t-shirt, he exclaimed: "I don't feel so good!" as he climbed into bed with his parents and promptly passed out. Frank's dad obviously didn't want his drunken, college-aged son sleeping with them, so he picked Frank up and carried him to his room. After dropping off his son, he decided to go into the kitchen to fix himself a snack. That's when he slipped on the vomit-drenched floor and fell face first into the center of the hurl. He went to the bathroom to clean himself up only to find more of Frank's puke and a little "souvenir" waiting in the bathtub. Needless to say, dad was less than impressed. A couple of days later Frank told us the story.

I didn't know which was more unbelievable - that he actually climbed into bed with his parents or that he had the balls to tell us what really happened.