I lived next to a stinky, "Unitarian Neo-Wiccan" with "psychic wards"

I'll leave out the psycho-killer roommate story which happened my freshman year, because it's actually almost straightforward; she's in a state mental ward now so she can't throw knives at people anymore. Instead, I'll tell you about the girl who moved in next to me this year.

First off, she wasn't really supposed to come back to school because she failed so many classes last year. But, as with any private school, you give the school enough money and they'll let your crazy kid back in. I didn't actually "meet" her until after being introduced to her stench. The stench surrounding this girl is impossible. When the door is open, it can be smelled down the hall in the next section of the building! No one has ever seen her do laundry. No one's ever seen her bathe, although her girlfriend claims she does.

Talking to her is yet another adventure. She claims to be fluent in 6 or 7 languages, one of which is Gothic. I think this is utter bull, but I let it slide. I should probably clear something else up as well. I'm an atheist who practices magic. It's a little different, but I function in society just fine.

All of that having been said, one day, out of the blue, I got a note on my board from her, saying we needed to talk. As far as I was concerned, there should be no reason I need to talk to the freak next door. I assumed that this was going to be about the fact that I was in the habit of leaving a can of spray-Glade outside my door in order to clear the hallway's smell. Anyway, the following afternoon, I did a little rite for a friend who was afraid she was pregnant. Innocuous as hell. I fell asleep and came to dinner late. Stinky's girlfriend was there when I was explaining why I was late. Later that night, I stopped by Stinky's room. She started off by saying, "I'm sorta, you know, chaotic good?"

'Okay, she's using role-playing alignment to describe herself,' I thought. I have no problem with that generally. I can even counter her claim.

"Okay, I'm lawful evil, so go on."

"Well," Stinky says, "I think you did something to me, and I don't know what it is, but you see, I had these wards all around my room and now I don't. You did something to break my psychic wards."

I what? "No, I didn't. That's bull," I replied as I left her room. I had to leave as I was having trouble breathing from the stench. So she followed me into my room.

"You've got to move your altar," she continued. "It's going right through the wall." Now, I have figured out that Stinky's girlfriend, must have told Stinky that I was up to no good evil magic in my room.

'Sigh.' "I'll look up something," I lie, flipping through an occult-looking lovecraft novel. She leaves. Later, I found out that she calls herself a "Unitarian Neo-Wiccan." We all had a good laugh about this. The first bit, okay, a bit flaky, but fine. The second, well, even flakier, but bathe and I'll be fine. The "Neo-" thing cracks us up. The combination of all three...ha!

Some days later, I got a note from her claiming that I'd been putting her girlfriend in a precarious position by refusing to talk to her. The note also said that Stinky thinks I'm "a really cool person." We all find this note quite funny.

I had had enough of this relationship and the next time I ran into her, I told her that I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I didn't want to be her friend, and I wasn't moving anything in my room. Apparently, she told her girlfriend that I had called her a bitch. Oh well.

So I lived next to a stinky, "Unitarian Neo-Wiccan" with "psychic wards" on her room who is a compulsive liar.

Over break, my room flooded and I got to move down the hall.