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Home > Stories > Read Story
Beer Box Pimp
Posted:12/05/1999
Views: 6,546
Grade: B
Comments 1
On the night in question, I had hoped to do some work on my English paper after enjoying some Chianti (as Chianti often helped the words flow for me). Unfortunately, the Chianti simply served as stepping-stones to subsequent alcohol abuse. Needless to say, I was wrecked.
By the time I returned to my room, my roommate Barry was already in bed with his girlfriend. This was a regular occurrence, and even in a sober state I wouldn't have hesitated to disrobe in her presence. But that night I apparently took it a little too far.
An empty 12-pack of Busch Light cans rested comfortably in the middle of the room when I returned home. That much I remember, but the next morning, Barry narrated the rest of the story to me:
"I was awakened by the sounds of your struggle to find the right key to open our door. You came in and briefly looked in my direction until your attention succumbed to the alluring appeal of the empty 12-pack. You gazed at the container for a couple of seconds and then, apparently bored with it, removed your pants and shirt.
I had started to drift back to sleep when I was once again roused by your actions. I heard a scratching sound and I looked over to discover one of the most bizarre things that I had ever seen: You were dry humping the empty 12-pack of Busch Light! You were holding it in front of your crotch and rhythmically ramming it with your member. You suddently started talking like a pimp, 'Yeah, that's right bitch. I just got you pregnant.'
After a few minutes of this, you abruptly stopped almost as though you realized you were being watched. But, instead of quietly putting down the box and retiring to bed for the evening, you rushed to the closet with the box in hand.
You grabbed a coat hanger and repeatedly jammed it down into the open end of the Busch Light box -- the very same aperture to which you just 'made love' only moments before. 'I can't have any kids running around,' you quietly giggled and chanted in a sing-song voice, 'beer box abortion! beer box abortion!'
I joined you in laughter at the sight of what was, to the best of my knowledge, the first and only successful knocking up (and subsequent abortion) of a 12-pack."
By the time I returned to my room, my roommate Barry was already in bed with his girlfriend. This was a regular occurrence, and even in a sober state I wouldn't have hesitated to disrobe in her presence. But that night I apparently took it a little too far.
An empty 12-pack of Busch Light cans rested comfortably in the middle of the room when I returned home. That much I remember, but the next morning, Barry narrated the rest of the story to me:
"I was awakened by the sounds of your struggle to find the right key to open our door. You came in and briefly looked in my direction until your attention succumbed to the alluring appeal of the empty 12-pack. You gazed at the container for a couple of seconds and then, apparently bored with it, removed your pants and shirt.
I had started to drift back to sleep when I was once again roused by your actions. I heard a scratching sound and I looked over to discover one of the most bizarre things that I had ever seen: You were dry humping the empty 12-pack of Busch Light! You were holding it in front of your crotch and rhythmically ramming it with your member. You suddently started talking like a pimp, 'Yeah, that's right bitch. I just got you pregnant.'
After a few minutes of this, you abruptly stopped almost as though you realized you were being watched. But, instead of quietly putting down the box and retiring to bed for the evening, you rushed to the closet with the box in hand.
You grabbed a coat hanger and repeatedly jammed it down into the open end of the Busch Light box -- the very same aperture to which you just 'made love' only moments before. 'I can't have any kids running around,' you quietly giggled and chanted in a sing-song voice, 'beer box abortion! beer box abortion!'
I joined you in laughter at the sight of what was, to the best of my knowledge, the first and only successful knocking up (and subsequent abortion) of a 12-pack."
- Wake Forest University
Editors Note:
This is like Wild Lou weird.
Comments
Ummm, if I were you, I wouldn't post something like that about myself.. This is the kind of story your roommate should be posting about you sicko..