The stripper was half pissed off, but also half smiling

My freshman year at SUNY Plattsburgh, the Dorm Council organized a "cultural" bus trip to Montreal, for us freshman to see the museums and arts in this historic Canadien city, which is only an hour away from our upstate NY campus.

Well, folks, the drinking age was only 18 in Montreal at the time (NY was 21) so as you can imagine, this trip was a freshman's dream come true! Montreal has a booming downtown bar scene, with several Canadien Universities near by, as well as under 21 Americans from Vermont and NY stumbling all over the place, who crossed the border to party.

My Resident Assistant (RA) was the trip chaperone. His name was Robert. He was Spanish, from NYC, and a completely serious, non-partying student, as well as a "by the books" RA. Plus, not that there's anything wrong with it, but he was also an in-the-closet gay.

Most male dorm rooms in our hall were covered with Guns-N-Roses posters and bikini babes. Robert had pictures of guys from Ebony and GQ magazine. We asked him about it, and he would just say "oh, I like fashion". He also gave us a Dorm Movie Night one time. We requested Animal House, the classic college movie that we knew every line to. Robert didn't crack a smile the whole movie. He just looked puzzled, and he would say "I don't get it..."

Anyway, back to the trip, the bus pulled into Montreal probably around 1pm in the afternoon. Robert was talking about passing out maps and which sites to see, but the crew of us partiers quickly split from the rest of the group, and headed to the famous Peel Pub.

The Peel Pub is a huge basment pub, known for rowdy college kids, but I swear, my crew from Plattsburgh took this place to a new level. We had the whole bar raising their drinks in the air, and yelling "SOCIAL" at the top of their lungs. It was LOUD, and we got kicked out, because people outside the bar thought there was a riot inside.

We bar hopped some more, and I remember getting some anti-American attitudes being thrown our way. One waitress told us to give our tip directly to her, not to leave it on the table, because dirty Americans like ourselves steal the tips. (You think you're actually getting a tip after those comments, honey?!)

My buddy Cube was puking in the alley towards the end of the trip, and he tongued down a chick who was with us, literally seconds after. The famous quote from the chick was "Cube tastes like puke", and then she continued to make out with him.

Finally, before we had to go back to the bus for the ride home, the last stop was the strip clubs, which are also 18 to get in. We stumbled in completely wasted, even dragging some of our Plattsburgh ladies in with us, and the manager instantly made a huge point that we couldn't touch the girls.

My friend said I had a look of mischief in my eye, and he kept telling me "dude, don't touch the girls"...but sure enough, my hand eventually slipped up the back of the leg of the girl who was giving us a table dance, and then I squeezed her ass. She slapped me across the face so hard, I fell off my chair onto the floor. The stripper was half pissed off, but also half smiling, because I was just this cute, dumb 18 year old drunk college kid.

The manager instantly kicked us out, and we somehow found the bus, where the serious, sober, students were angrily waiting for us so they could go home.

We sang drunken songs the whole hour trip back to Plattsburgh, and the sober students were absolutely hating us.

The last part of the story is when our chaperone Robert had finally had enough of our drunkeness on the ride home. He stood up, from his seat in the front, and imagine a Spanish audience member from Rikki Lake or Jerry Springer, times 20, and he cocked his head and snapped his finger on every word, and yelled "SHUT, YOUR, MOTHER, FUCKING, MOUTHS, UP!!!!!!!!". It was quiet for a few seconds, then we burst into laughter, applauding Robert for putting us in our place. We had never seen this quiet, serious, non-partying guy get so animated!

I wonder if Plattsburgh stills sponsors "cultural" bus trips to Montreal for the freshman?