Having spent my last dollar on this girl, I was at least going to make a play for her

One of my favorite clubs in St. Louis was the old Playboy club on Lindell Blvd, renamed Kearbey's. This place made Wednesday the night to party. College Bump and Grind Wednesday was more exciting than any Friday or Saturday party in town, bar none. We always saw the hottest and friendliest girls that area colleges had to offer, plus you found hot twenty-somethings who are just blowing off steam after work. Lucky for my friends and me, blowing off steam basically meant dry humping on the dance floor to the raunchiest hits of the 1990s. So it was with a bit of bittersweet sadness that I paid my $2 cover to the always friendly bouncer the day before graduation.

Even though I just got a big signing bonus for my new career in Indianapolis, this particular night I left most of my cash at home because I wanted to “ball on a budget” one last time. After I grabbed a beer and started checking out the ladies, one comes up to me and starts some small talk. She is a short, but very cute and bubbly blonde who claims to go to law school where I go to undergrad. I don’t really believe her, until Lara convinces me to buy her an Alabama Slammer. At this point I know she is in law school, because how else could she convince an intentionally broke guy who never buys women drinks, to buy some complicated thing he has never heard of before. I honestly didn’t want to do it, but she helped convince me that being a tool once won’t make me a tool forever.

So I go to the bar next to the dance floor and buy her silly drink. The bartender looks at me funny, mixes it – and then gets pissed when I don’t tip him. Hey, I’m “ballin’ on a budget” remember? Of course, when I give Lara her drink, she thanks me and disappears. I don’t care too much; I figured it wasn’t going to get me anywhere anyway. That is until she comes back asking for a refill. I am pretty indignant, and tell her to kiss my ass. She said that she was sorry, and she promises that she would dance with me, just get her one more friggin’ Alabama Slammer. I think I had something like four bucks on me, and I was not going up there without a tip again – but she was begging for it like a cow moaning to be milked. So I grab one of my boys and, yes, borrow a couple bucks from him so I can tip the bartender for this Alabama Slammer.

Yeah, this chick is good. I get up to the bar, and tip the bartender up front so he doesn’t water down the drink. I find Lara and give her the Slammer – she thanks me and disappears. By this time my friends are watching, and start to give me some real shit. What’s worse, I later see her chatting up other guys around the bar; it looks like she is running the same game on them too.

Most guys would have let the girl go. Typically, I would have too, but here Lara comes a third time - wanting ANOTHER drink. I am about to get indignant, until I realized she is pretty toasted and happy. Lots of quid, time for quo. Looking deep into her light blue eyes, I grab her around the waist and start dancing – moving her to the beat. Ginuwine was playing “Ride My Pony” as I pull her closer to me as we lock into full grind. She grabs my face and starts kissing it, then shoves her tongue down my throat. Her lips and mouth taste distinctly of the amaretto and peach liqueur that I and apparently three other guys have been paying for all night long. Thankfully, I am the one that is getting the benefit of her lowered inhibitions.

With growing authority, I give her ass a good squeeze and she turns around, grinding her ass into my crotch. Increasing the dirtiness factor, she takes my right hand in her left, and without a stitch of subtlety guides it under her skirt and inside her panties. As my hand massages her shaved pussy, I am pretty shocked, but much happier about the ten bucks I dropped on this girl. Since I just crossed this line, I figured it was ok to play with her breasts under her blouse as I fingerbang her on the dance floor. Lara kisses me in approval, as my friends watch and cheer me on in gleeful disbelief as (what seemed to be) her friends look on in abject horror.

This goes on for a couple songs, until one girl rushes to Lara’s rescue – only to get angrily rebuffed by my now very wet dancing partner. I make some attempts to get her off the dance floor and out the door towards my place, but this girl is on a mission – she wants to prove something to somebody. My friends heroically try to talk to Lara’s friends to calm them down, but they just can’t avert their eyes as we molest each other in front of a crowded club. We are happily enjoying each other until last call, when the whole group of Lara’s friends surrounds her like a Roman phalanx and drags her out – without leaving me so much as a phone number. Oh well, my boys and I got a good laugh out of it.

What a way to say goodbye to a great club!