Those three things are a recipe for disaster with or without a piñata.

The most glorious day had finally dawned, when a man puts on his drinking pants for the rest of his life.

It was Jan. 25th which was my 21st birthday. Before my 8:00 AM class I ran over to Stop N Go and bought some Kahlua and cheap vodka and started off the day right with a delicious White Russian.

They say if you have a drink before 10 AM there’s a 60% chance your considered an alcoholic but on Jan 25th I was delighted to be apart of such a magnificent statistic. It was the most excited I had ever been in my life, it was better than Christmas morning.

I barely made it through the day of classes without just wanting to run out during the middle of the lecture and buy myself 100 beers and get my birthday party started.

I live with 5 other guys and I was the first to turn 21 so it was a pretty big deal for our house. Two of my roommates Russ and Rad had promised to throw me the most bitchin’ party ever and just allow me to sit back and enjoy myself. They promised me a present I would truly enjoy and one they knew I truly wanted.

They blindfolded me and after about 5 minutes of walking led me up some steps and I heard them open a door. They sat me down in a chair, pulled off the blindfold and I immediately see 30 people, but I mainly notice the 7 females in the very front of the room whose home we happened to be in.

For the longest time we semi-spied on a house of the 7 hottest females you’ve ever seen. So sexy that we were literally scared to talk them and mess up our non-existent relationship. Everyone yelled surprise, then the crowd went silent. The seven walked up and all introduced themselves and I did in return. People started laughing and I’ll admit I was a little embarrassed that my roommates obviously told them how much we talked about them and that my perfect present would be to party with them but I didn’t give a sam hell, I was in heaven.

Everyone started partying and my 4 roommates and I start talking to the 7 girls. They explained my roommates came and talked to them and set the whole thing up and that they were flattered. They admitted to spying on us too! Hallelujah let my people go!

The one I was most interested in was the girl I frequently saw getting their small cat out of the yard in simply a robe and furry boots. She chased that cat for 10 minutes every day but of course I didn’t mind. She was by far the most attractive and I just assumed as birthday boy I got to choose which lioness to pursue.

I start charming her up like shit fire. I’m pulling out the big guns and even the pocket pistols. We start getting pretty drunk and the whole night flies by and everyone is having a blast. Me and my dream girl really hit it off, she asks me to play beer pong we exchange numbers and as we’re sneaking a kiss we’re interrupted by my roommate Rad.

“Bro! Get out here and kill this piñata!” He pulls me from her and drags me into the living room where there is a piñata hanging helplessly from the ceiling. They put on some salsa music, blindfold me, and hand me a golf club. Those three things are a recipe for disaster with or without a piñata.

I already had the spins but they started spinning me. I stop, bring the club up high over and my head and slam it straight down. It’s a direct hit and I can feel the thud of the piñata and the cat even started squealing from the sheer force of my blow. That was my first moronic thought. “Man, I hit that thing so square in the mouth the cat got scared.”

Little did I realize I just worked out a Callaway on the cat’s head. My dream girl runs forward somehow already crying and frantic, her roommates start to scream. There’s a little blood and the beloved cat is out cold. They start screaming for all of us to get out and the party is dispersed within 3 minutes. People are puking off the porch probably from the alcohol and the fact that I just went Tony Montana on a cat.

My perfect birthday went to worst nightmare with one simple swing.

I tried texting and calling her to pay for the medical expenses and to see if the cat was ok but my efforts were ignored. They wouldn’t even answer the door. We haven’t spoken to them since, but about 3 weeks later I happen to see the sexiest girl chasing around a bandaged cat in just her robes.