I asked her if she was serious about what she had promised the night before...

About a year ago, I went back to my old town to visit my old friends. I stayed for a few days with one friend (Jonathon), and then a few days with another (Stephany). The day I get to Steph’s place, I say hi to her parents, and they inform me that they’re going out that night. Steph then tells me that there’s going to be this huge party downtown (we lived about 10 min away from the downtown area), and that I should come. I ask if it was “that” kind of party (meaning a getting shit-faced kind of party), and she just laughs and tells me yes. We order some pizzas. Now her older sister (who’s 21), said she would get us some alcohol for a small fee (cheap bitch). We give her the cash and she picks up the booze and pizzas and brings them back. After I eat, I say that I’m going to get some sleep before the party. I wake up about 45 minutes before we were going to leave, take a shower, change clothes, and go downstairs. She’s at the kitchen table getting ready to do shots. I tell her that I do shots as well because while I don’t particularly like drinking, I love being drunk. She agrees. Great minds think alike.

She starts pounding down Tequila like an alcoholic who just escaped from the rehab center. I’m in shock. Not even I can do shots THAT fast. After about 4 or 5 of these, I finally scrape my jaw off the floor and am like “That’s amazing and all, but I don’t have a license, how the fuck are we going to get to the party?” She tells me that her sister was going to see a movie with some friends (the movie theater was about a mile or so from the party), and that she would take us.

We arrive at the party fully shit-housed. Now what Steph didn’t tell me that this was basically a huge high school reunion party. I walk in and the place is PACKED. I’m surrounded by people from my old high school that I haven’t seen in years. Hardly any of them recognize me. After we introduce ourselves everyone remembers me and starts talking about how suddenly I had moved away. I’m just like “yeah”. lol.

Anyway, even though I’m talking to a bunch of people that were never my friends at all, I’m having a great time. They fill me in on the past few years (who’s been arrested, expelled, gotten pregnant, etc). Most of them I’m not very surprised about at all.

After a few hours I go see what’s going on upstairs. I see some people playing beer pong, and one of them is a chick I had been talking to over MySpace. I’m like “Karen! What the fuck is up?!” She looks at me and freaks out. Apparently she forgot I was coming up to visit. Either that or I never told her. Whatever. She runs up and gives me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. I get the feeling that this is going to be a good night.

I talk a bit with her friends and they ask me if I want to play beer pong with them. I tell them that in my state it’s probably not the best idea (I know my limits). We talk with some other people for a while longer. By this time, I had come down off shit-housed and had settled into being comfortably drunk. I conclude that I need more alcohol so I can ascend (or descend, however you want to look at it) back into shit-housed.

One of the guys I was talking to before has busted out a bottle of Grey Goose. I’m like, there’s NO fucking way I’m missing out on this, and pour myself a generous glass. I go back to the main room with Karen and her friends. We sit around the table drinking and shooting the shit for a while longer. I finish my glass of goose and go to take a piss. After I’m done I exit the bathroom and I hear a knock on the door. I figure it’s just more people arriving to the party. I’m about to go answer it, when one of the guys in the living room (it’s right next to the door) jumps up and gets it, and is immediately greeted with two mag lights being shined in his face.

Oh sweet Jesus no.

A guy who was walking down the stairs sees them and shouts, surprisingly loud, over the music and noise “COPS!” He then jumps the railing and takes off down the hallway like a bat out of hell. The shit had just hit the fan. The cops bust through the door and I figure it’s a great time to haul ass. I book it down the hall. What I see it like a scene from a cheap horror film.

People are screaming and crawling over each other trying to reach the sliding door in the back. Karen and her friends are already up. Karen grabs my arm and starts pulling me through the crowd. We get out the back and make a break for it.

The house we were at was on a corner, so people were already climbing the fence on the road side. The fence collapses and I see about a dozen cops start sprinting and decking people. We turn and run the other way. Without missing a beat, I step up onto one of those flower bed things and do a front hand spring over the fence into the neighbor’s yard. I had been out of gymnastics for over two years, and I was POSITIVE I couldn’t even do that sober, so the fact that I pulled it off on a whim without missing a beat in my current state, shocked the hell out of me. I yell for everyone else to climb over. Karen and two of her chick friends say they don’t know if they can make it. I see a gate about 20 feet down, and so I sprint to it and open it. Five other people come through, and we start sprinting into the woods in the back of the neighbor’s yard. It was me, Karen, two of her friends, and two guys who I later identified as two of my old friends, Tony and Mack.

After walking for what seemed like several hours, we come out at the bottom of a hill into someone’s backyard. Now the fucking massive adrenaline rush when the cops showed up dropped me from shit-housed back to drunk. And with all the walking I start to come off drunk and start settling into inebriated. I look at my watch. It’s only like 1:30. I am not pleased.

I notice a small wooden playhouse. We all pile in, and the place is CRAMPED. I say that I really wish we had more alcohol. Tony opens his backpack and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of some mixed Vodka drink, and a six pack. He tells me that he arrived to the party late and never got a chance to drink his stuff. I tell him he is my savior. Everyone starts cracking into the alcohol and I start settling back into drunk.

Now, what happens when you cram six sweaty, drunk teenagers into a fucking small ass playhouse in the middle of summer? It gets fucking hot that’s what. We open the windows, but that doesn’t help much. One of Karen’s friends is clearly shit-faced and strips down to her underwear, and I see Mack clearly start to move in. I laugh and realize that stripping is a damn good idea, and so does everyone else. Now everyone is sitting around in their underwear continuing as usual. I figure now is a good a time as any to make a move on Karen, so I down the rest of the Jack to escalate me back into shit-housed, the only state that I have any confidence in myself whatsoever. We’re sitting really close together and our arms are rubbing against each other. She leans against my shoulder, I put my arm around her and we lay down and talk for a bit. By now Mack is fully making out with the one chick. Now Tony looks about to make a move on the other one, but realizes that she has passed the fuck out due to drinking most of the Vodka drink. He looks pissed. I laugh to myself.

Eventually Karen and I start making out. I ask her if she wants to go all the way. She tells me not now, on the floor of some cramped ass playhouse with four other people around. I agree. I don’t have a condom anyway. I ask her if she wants to do it tomorrow in a more appropriate place and she says yes. We lay down spooning style and I grope her for a bit and we eventually pass out.

I wake up the next morning to Tony shaking and slapping me. He tells me we need to get the fuck out of there. I realize that not only do I feel like a sweaty bag of ass, I’m colder than a snake’s twat in Vermont. I look up and see Karen, Mack, and the chick he was hooking up with throwing on their clothes. I decide to follow suit. I throw on my clothes and book it out of the playhouse just as I see a cop car rolling up to the house. Now let me describe the area so you can picture it in your head. There’s a house on a hill, and at the bottom of the hill is the playhouse. A road runs by the front of the house (the top of the hill).

I didn’t find this out until later, but apparently at about 10 AM this little girl comes out to play in the playhouse. She was expecting to see her toys and shit, but instead she saw six passed out, nearly naked teenagers, with beer bottles scattered around them, and the place reeking of booze. Now picture that in your head and tell me that seeing that as a little kid wouldn’t scar you for life. Now, her opening the door woke Tony up, and he came to his senses when he saw the girl coming back with her mom. Now, instead of freaking out like I probably would have, he pretended to be asleep and bided his time. The mom took one look and said “Oh my god…” and grabbed the girl and ran back to the house and apparently called the cops. This is when Tony woke everyone up and we hauled ass. Now the Police Station was literally just around the corner and down the street, so that’s why the cop got there so fucking fast.

Anyway, we hauled ass back into the forest and ran aimlessly for awhile before we stopped and sat on a log. The chick Tony tried to hook in with, but realized she passed out starts throwing up. I ask Karen if she remembers her promise from the night before and if she was still serious. She says she is. This is awesome. We walk for a bit longer and get to a road. Mack says it’s near his house and to follow him. We follow him for a bit and get to his house. We go into the basement and start the detox process. Tony and Mack start playing PS2, and I hang back with the chicks, drinking Powerade and waiting for my hangover to disappear.

Eventually Karen calls her sister to pick us up because she’s in the area (she was staying at a friends house). She gives me a ride because Steph’s house is only a few blocks from Karen’s house. We get to her house and her sister drops us off. I tell her I’d call her later, but instead she invites me in. You can guess what happened next.

I eventually get back to Steph’s house, and she’s there. Evidently, about 20 people got busted. I tell her what happened to me. She tells me that she got away by hopping the fence straight behind the house (I went to the left side, the cops came from the right and the front), and ran through a bunch of peoples backyards and eventually her and two others hid inside of a boat in someone’s backyard until morning.