She was a decent sized girl, not fat, but thick and curvy...

I had been seeing this Alpha Phi who boasted that she could out-drink me any day of the week. I invited her to come by the house on Friday where we would do some shots before heading to the bar downtown.

Friday rolls around and she shows up, ready to drink. Little did I know, she had already been drinking earlier that night.

So we are in the president's room doing shots of Jagermesiter. 10 shots each and we are on our way to the Field House. We get there and I can tell this girl is already shit faced. She can barely walk and kept falling down on the sidewalk. My friends went on inside and I was to baby-sit my date.

I quickly realize that she won't be able to go inside. The bar is about 6 blocks from the house, so we start walking back. She made it about two blocks before calling it a night, and decided to take a nap there on the sidewalk.

She was a decent sized girl, not fat, but thick and curvy. I'm a big boy, 6'4 and 270 lbs. I weighed my options, then hoisted this big girl over my shoulder and started for home.

I guess in her inebriated state she was losing control of her bowels, because for the next two blocks she farted like every other step I took. I'd shift her from one shoulder to the other and she'd fart again. It was disgusting.

Another block and I was done carrying her. Between the physical strain of carrying a big ol girl, and the stench of flatulence, she wasn't going over my shoulder anymore. I was disgusted and pretty pissed off at her. Using my foot, I rolled her over a couple times down the side walk. I rolled her for about half a block or so.

I was done. I couldn't leave her passed out on the sidewalk, I had no car, I couldn't carry her anymore, and she didn't roll over curbs very well. In a complete stroke of luck, some stranger passing by in a car stops and asks me if we need a ride. So we haul chubs in the back and I sit in the middle to prop her up, Weekend at Bernie's style.

Before we get to her house, she pukes all over the back seat and floor of this stranger's car.

We finally get there, I apologize profusely, and her sisters all swarm out to take care of her. They got her in bed, all the while she's farting left and right. They spray air freshener, which is conveniently located in her room. Seems likes this might be a common occurrence for her.

After a few minutes, they decide she needs to go to the hospital. So, we go and she gets an IV of liquid and is sober within an hour or so.

I never called her again.