She looks at the baseball sized chunk of pizza that just flew out of her mouth, picks it up, and says “Oops was that mine?”

College is the best four to eight years of your life. I say eight year cause that how long it took my roommate. And there isn’t even a Dr. in front of his name.

Although, I must say that I am jealous cause if I could do it all over again that’s how long I would take. He was a slow learner as you will soon see.

Let this be a lesson to all: College is a time for dating not relationships.

So my roommate and I walk into a bar on State Street at about 10:30 PM. Before we can even order a drink two girls walk up and are all about us. One was a brunet and the other a blond. I started off talking to the brunet but I really wanted the blond. As we got to talking, the brunet turned out to be an Anthro major.


Just as I discovered this, my roommate told me that the blonde was a business major. With this new found information, my roommate and I successfully pulled of the switch-a-roo as I was a business roommate and my wingman was an Anthro major.

About ten minutes later we start playing a little tonsil hockey then took their numbers. We probably should have taken then home but it was only 11 at this time and we weren’t ready to call it a night. Also, we figured we were hot let’s see what else this night has to offer.

Unfortunately the night went down hill from there and we ended up alone.

A couple days later we called our new friends to see if they wanted to go out on a date. Originally we asked them out on independent dates but on the same day, Thursday. Well, when Thursday came, neither of us wanted to really go on this date with them so we told them that we would just meet them up for drinks. So we met them up at Bull Feathers.

Both our girls walked in and my roommate and I were excited to see them. My roommate, Al, opens up a tab and buys her a drink. She pounds her Vodka Lemonade before Ed even gets his drink, so he orders her another one. She finishes that one before Al even gets half way done with his. He orders her a third and she finishes that one by the time Ed finishes his first. Mind you this girl weighs no more than a 100 pounds soaking wet.

When I saw this I knew it was going to be a good night. She then proceeds to order drink after drink and shots for strangers at the bar on Al’s tab. By midnight, she is belligerent. Lucky for us it also happened to be St. Patrick’s Day. She stole a green hat from a three hundred pound frat boy and started wearing it and was annoying everyone in the bar. At this point Al realized it was time to close his now 150 dollar bar tab and send this girl home. I knew the fun was just beginning and seeing this was there first date I was loving it. Al finally manages to get her out of the bar so me and my date leave with them.

At this point I knew Al was going to try to send her home but I wasn’t going to let that happen. So I said, “It’s St. Patrick’s Day, we have to at least have a drink at the Irish Oak.” His lush wasn’t going to say no to a drink and before I knew it my plan had worked and we were walking in. She orders four Irish Car Bombs and the bartender barely understood what she was saying because her speech was so slurred.

While the bartender is making our drinks the drunken date takes the soda gun from behind the bar and starts spraying the bartender with Diet Doke.

Apparently she was upset because the bartender wasn’t making our drinks right which was absolutely not the case. We do our Irish Car Bombs and were then kicked out because of the over served dates behavior.

Now Al thinks it’s definitely time to send this girl home but I was just getting started. Once we got outside, I suggested going for a slice of pizza. We all know how good that sounds when you’re drunk. Sure enough she couldn’t resist.

It was now almost bar time and the line at the pizza joint was about fifty guys long. Mind you fifty sexually frustrated drunken men long. She cuts in front of all of them and orders to slices of pizza. Al apologized to every one of them as he feared his life. Sure enough were all sitting down at the only table available that was filthy with left over pizza and crumbs all over it.

Al’s date won’t stop talking. While she’s talking with her mouth full, she spits a huge ball of pizza out and it lands smack tab in the middle of the table. We all got quite and just looked at her. She looks at the baseball sized chunk of pizza that just flew out of her mouth, picks it up, and says “Oops was that mine?”

Not wanting to waste any of that precious slice and before any of us even had a chance to answer she puts the ball back into her month. At this point none of us could believe our eyes and I was on the floor laughing.

She had eaten one whole slice and had 2/3 of another left. Al was done with this date and told her it was time to go. Being the nice guy he is, AL went to the counter to get her a box for her left over slice.

He comes back with the box and offers it to his hammered date. She respectfully declines, folds the slice in half twice, puts it in the pocket in her jeans and says, “I’m gonna save this for later.”

Needless to say that is the last time he ever saw her.