I was new to the Deep South and, man are these women hot!

It all starts out much like any other Wednesday night in Auburn: drink specials from 7-9 at one of the many drinking establishments on College Street. We went to Bodega for a little while, which is mainly a Greek, "of age" bar. Fun, but not the drunken madness a single 22 year old craves. So we make our way to Tigris, an infamous bar/club back in 2002. Known for 64oz liquor pitchers and bartenders that everyone was friends with.

I had worked up a nice buzz with the help of a few of my friends and twenty bucks. I was new to the Deep South, being a transfer student from Cincinnati, so some of the southern women seemed way out of my league. I mean come on, these girls are really hot, way better than the hookers we have in the "Nasty Nati." So I work up my courage to finally talk to this girl I have crushed on for a couple of weeks, we start dancing, taking shots, and kicking the fun into high gear.

We go out back to the patio at Tigris which was a nice little break from the hot and crowded dance floor. She tells me she wants to have sex and she can’t wait to get me back to her house. So I did what every self respecting, horny drunk college student would do in this situation. I grabbed her hand and led her through the bar to the front. She told her friends she was leaving, a couple of dudes tried to run interference, but I am a big guy and gave them the look, you know the, "you jack this up and I am going to make your face beat up my fist!"

They let her go, and we left the bar. She was driving and I know how to use a seatbelt so I wasn't too worried. We get to her house and I am sitting on the couch, mind you I have not kissed this girl at all, no heavy petting or anything. I think this is going to be a fluke and she just made up all that stuff while at the club so she could have someone come over and listen to her problems. Anyways...

I had to pee so I went into her bathroom and being the guy that fancies drugs, I opened her medicine cabinet. To my surprise, staring right back at me is a bottle of Valtrex with her name on the prescription. I about deuced my shorts, holy shit! I mean, I knew she must have been somewhat slutty, but herpes!

No thank you.

I knew she was out in the living room and I didn't want her to think I was snooping through her stuff, so I looked to my right and saw the bathroom window. I know that we are two stories up and there is no way I can make a jump for it, but I check anyway. I see that I can jump from the window to grab a balcony fence that is located directly on my left. This was a three- four foot jump. But she has a big window. I will hang and try to fall without getting hurt to the ground floor. Full of liquor, this whole stunt seems like a great idea. I go along with it, fall and roll on the ground.

Wasting no time, I took off on a dead sprint back to College Street and the bar I was at earlier, I met up with my friends and finished off the night, going home happily by myself. Right then and there I realized I would do anything not to get herpes, as well as the fact that God loves puppies and drunks!