She was visiting Purdue from Notre Dame and was alone for the evening

One Friday or Saturday night, we began pre-gaming at the apartment around 7pm with a case of Keystone Light tall-boys and a fifth of Jägermeister. With Jason out of town, there were only three of us: me, Eric and Patrick. We sat around the bar playing drinking games for a couple of hours. I distinctly remember how much I was getting screwed playing f*** the dealer. After a while, we got a call from the girls and they were coming over. Since we didn’t have anything to do, this seemed somewhat promising but I wasn’t getting my hopes up yet.

The sor-ostitutes were already relatively inebriated, which is never a bad thing. They were looking good as usual and naturally did not have any alcohol of their own so they began drinking with us. I kissed on B a little bit but she wanted to play hard to get AGAIN so I lost interest quickly and told her how much she was missing out. After a while it became apparent that they just wanted to drink our beer and were going to ditch us for some lame frat party. It was around 10:30 and we still didn’t have any plans. I went to my computer to check my messages and saw a buddy from one of my classes had messaged me. He was going to some frat house in The Acres and said he could get us in. I IM’d him and told him we would be there in a bit. All of us clearly GDI, I smiled at my roommate and said “Hey, it’s been a couple of weeks since we have had some good old frat fun,” and, like that, the three of us were focused on the task at hand.

Frats are good for only one thing and that is stealing. Stealing beer which though in abundance, is usually lukewarm and cheap. Stealing women which are also in abundance flocking to the scent of stale beer. Finally, stealing other household goods is always in good fashion. While many times it may be alcohol and usually in large quantities. In addition there are fine commercial goods lying all around since mommy and daddy have given them everything in life and they have no appreciation for them why should we have them. Anyway you get the idea…

So as lazy as I am I suggested that we take the bus to The Acres, a solid twenty minute walk for you non-Purdue students. This was met with much dissatisfaction from my roomies who like to walk everywhere. We compromised and waited for the bus for ten minutes and much to my dismay I was forced to make the hike. We stumbled the eight blocks and arrived at our destination. I don’t remember the name of the frat but it doesn’t really matter. I called my buddy who was already inside and he said to meet him by the back door. We walked around to the back of the house until the door flung open. Ahhh we were in…

We went straight for the bar and started pounding what was nothing less than lukewarm Milwaukee’s Best Light. After we had returned to our original states of “rollin” before the hike had sobered us up, we began to work the party for eligible singles. After striking out a couple of times, I found a cane lying in a corner and picked it up as a great idea crossed my mind. I began strolling around and poking people, mostly girls, with the cane and even went so far as to lift of a couple of skirts. While the vast majority of the responses I received were things like “Gross”, “Get-Away”, among others but I did get a few “Give me more.” I didn’t really care I was pretty sh*tfaced and was having a great time.

I ended up in one of the rooms where I found a couple of girls talking, so I poked one of them. To my surprised she turned around smiled and said “Oh come on you can do better than that…”

Now she had my attention.

We began talking and a half hour later, I began to see where things might be going. It was getting pretty late and they stopped serving beer at 1am, so people were beginning to leave. The walk was such a b*tch that I was not about to ask her to my place so I asked her what she was doing later. She told me that she was staying at the frat and was a student at St. Mary’s College over by Notre Dame. My “heart” sank as I realized she was probably with one of the brothers. Then she said that she came with one of her girlfriends whose boyfriend was a brother here. Ok game on…

She asked if I would sit with her on a nearby couch; I did and we started kissing and whatnot. I was pretty drunk so I was completely confident in my performance but I had a couple of minutes to rally myself. Just then her friend came in with her boyfriend and said that they were going to bed. Little did I realize that it was his room and they were going to be sleeping right below us. (Purdue frats do these like half room lofts and you sleep under them and half like a hang-out area above them, weird but it works) They crawled into there hole and they started screwing around which I thought was hilarious and so did she as we kept giggling. We started getting a little hot and heavy as I tried to move my hand up her skirt. She pushed it away and said, “Hey now I am a good catholic girl.” The sound of that just made me want it more…

After screwing around upstairs for what seemed like forever, she finally let me give her a good time with my hand and she was doing the same for me. After a while our pants were at our knees, but still nothing serious. It had been at least an hour and a half and I was getting restless and tired. We started dry humping for a little bit which got my hopes up but after a couple of minutes, she said she had to go the bathroom. Frustrated as I was and still drunk I gave a heavy sigh, and mumbled “Cocktease.” I didn’t mean to, it just slipped and then I knew I was in trouble. She gave me an awful face and rushed out of the room topless. I knew I had to get out of there so I jumped off the loft and frantically tried to put on my clothes as I made for the door. I open the door tripped on my pants half way up my legs and crashed head first into the adjacent wall. I started laughing uncontrollably and stumbled my way down the stairs and out the door. I hysterically hooted all the way home.

Remembering this night still makes me laugh…