It's astounding that the convenience store people didn't call the cops on us

This story has to do with one of my Clarkson friends W and I. Well, around 4:00 on a Saturday, W and my boyfriend and I went to the liquor store. I got a bunch of stuff and W got vodka. We started drinking pretty soon after, and by 5:00 we were both pretty drunk. W passed out and one of his friends called, so when he woke up we told him to call her back, but W was insisting that it was too late to call anyone, even though it was barely 6:30 in the evening. From this, and his head nodding every few minutes, we could tell that he would barely be able to stand. Regardless, W and I decided to walk to Sugarcreek (the convenience store). I was drunk but still able to walk, so it fell upon me to help W down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, one of the neighbors was sleeping on the couch. W ended up sitting on his face, and then hanging over his head until the guy woke up. I helped him get his shoes on. Getting out the door was a feat in itself.

There is a path behind the apartments that goes down behind the buildings to Sugarcreek. It was slightly downhill, which caused W to run. I had to catch up and help him regain his balance. W kept splashing in puddles and falling into the grass. We were halfway there when we noticed that there was a gate blocking the back entrance to the store. (I later found out there was a way around it). It wasn't much out of the way to walk around behind the other building. Once I made sure W was standing, we turned left and started walking along the Walker Center (where campus safety is based), and W fell into it and hit his head. I thought he was going to pass out, so I made a good attempt to help him up. He kept saying his head hurt, but it wasn't bleeding so he could get up. He fell into this brick building again, but managed to get back up.

By this time it was raining. We had to walk around the building, and when we got to the front we were facing the road, and W slumped into the building. He sat there on the cold wet ground and tried to light a cigarette. He started falling over so he didn't quite get it lit. Once he finally stood up he managed to take a few drags off of the cigarette before he dropped it. W tried to open the doors to the Walker Center, thinking it was Sugarcreek, and I had to explain to him that we weren't there yet. Once he realized we were at the wrong place, W staggered out into the road. It was a close call, but I pulled him out.

Finally we got to the store, although walking across the parking lot took forever and saying "left... left... left right left" was the only way to keep W off the ground. Once inside, I started to walk towards the back of the store, and W staggered after me, only to knock over the ENTIRE shelf of a 2-liter display, and the cookies next to it. I scrambled to pick them up and put them back on the shelf, but had to run back and pick W off the floor, for he had fallen into the cooler and hit his head again. I pulled him up and went down the next aisle, but couldn't get the food I wanted because I couldn't leave W unattended. He only teetered a little when I was walking up to the register, but W fell in the coffee aisle and knocked over most of that row. We finally got up to the register and I paid for my stuff (with a credit card); meanwhile, W was leaning over the counter into the cashier's face, head bobbing with a silly grin on his face. W spoke up.

“Heyy... can I get a pack o' Dorals?"
“Doral lights?"
"Yeah," W nodded in agreement. Somehow he managed to pull out his credit card. "Dude I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm really sorry." The cashier smiled and handed W the credit card receipt, and his signature looked like a bumpy line. "Dude I'm really sorry" he said again. We only knocked over a few minor things on the way out the door.

Once back out in the rain, W started running again. He fell, but then sat on the sidewalk. We both tried to light cigarettes, but W couldn't because he couldn't keep a steady hand. I couldn't because I had to hold him up. W did light one, but dropped it. We gave up on the idea of a cigarette, and he got up, but fell down into the road (Rt 11). I ran down and pushed him off the road, and somehow he got up. That was kind of scary because I'm only about 2/3 his size. After he got up, the walk wasn't that bad, and a guy in a car asked us if we wanted a ride. That was awesome. We got back to my boyfriend's place and sat down. On the other side of the room, W said, "Why the hell did ya buy me Dorals?"

“I didn't buy the Dorals. You did, on your credit card."
"Dude. I've never bought Dorals!"

This brought laughter from the rest of the room. Several times during the evening, we all heard, "I've never bought Dorals."

I'm surprised the people at Sugarcreek didn't call the police... especially since they had our names on our credit card receipts.

By the way, "W" has two other stories on here (Clarkson University).