Liz didn't need an ambulance, I got laid...

This certainly wasn't the BEST party I've ever been to, but it was definitely the most interesting. My roommate Tracy and her friend Liz wanted to go to a party a friend of ours was throwing on the other side of town. I decided to go along, and invited Jeff, whom I had only been dating for a couple of weeks. I offered to be DD, so Liz, Tracy and Jeff started drinking in our apartment about 30 minutes before we left for the party. BIG mistake.

Jeff only had a couple beers, but Tracy had about 6 or 7 shots of Captain's and Liz had at least 10. They seemed ok on the ride over there. But, by the time we finally got there, Liz and Tracy were completely ripped. Jeff and I had to help both of them walk the couple of blocks to the party. Once inside, it was so packed with bodies that we could barely move. This didn't help Drunk Liz who was already starting to pass out. I did my best to hold her upright in this sea of partiers.

Meanwhile, Tracy was making the rounds, finding everyone she knew and LOUDLY introducing them to "Christine's boyfriend, Jeff." Did I mention I'd only known him for two weeks?

Eventually Liz decided she needed to go outside, and she passed out on the porch with her head on my lap. The owners of the house told us to get the hell out before a cop walked by and saw Liz. Jeff was sober by then, so he went to get the car while I found a couple big guys to help me carry Liz to the car. We left Tracy at the party since she wasn't ready to leave (and Liz was sprawled across the backseat!) The entire drive home, I kept my finger on her pulse to make sure she was still breathing. By the time we got her back to my apartment, Liz was mumbling incoherently and we did our best to get her to Tracy's bathroom before she puked.

We didn't quite make it.

I grabbed the first thing I could find which was (rather appropriately) a blender. After her first bout of sickness, we finally got Liz into the bathroom, where she passed out with me holding her head over the toilet. By the way, she has really long hair, which was covered in puke, as was the entire front of her shirt.

I'm one of those people who can't stand to see other people puking, yet I had to sit with her for half an hour while Jeff went to pick up Tracy. The entire time I was literally holding her up above the toilet. And I would slap her face whenever it looked like she was passing out again. Tracy finally got back, sobered up and took over babysitting duties.

I was mortified that Jeff had to witness Liz's behavior and even more mortified that he thought he was "my boyfriend" among my friends. But everything worked out. Liz didn't need an ambulance, I got laid, and a year later Jeff (we're still together, by the way) still makes fun of her about the first night they met.