Free Tasty-Kakes and turkey hoagies for everyone!

Once infamous for its Halloween parade, our college town now has only memories of the event, due in part to events like this:

My freshman year I lived in an aprtment off campus, since all housing had already been filled on-campus. This led to much more freedom, but still having to move in with someone I didn't know. Kyle was a good guy to get... a little older, able to buy beer, and up for anything.

His go get 'em attitude led him to try skate boarding on a vert ramp once...even though he had never really ridden a skateboard before. It didn't take long for him to step off and tear his ACL--the first drop in.

Poor guy, the most active dude I've ever met in my life laid up by some country doctor with a full leg cast and a boat load of pain killers. (A "real" doctor later diagnosed that he should get that cast off as soon as possible "if he ever wanted to use that leg again.")

Then Halloween came around, two months into my first college year, I knew a bunch of folks, and the town was going berzerk. Keggers in every other house on main street, people half nude smoking whatever on their front porches, easily accessable beer cups and eager, keg tapping college compadres. One of whom, Davis has been working at the convenience store. But he left...

"Hey guys" someone said. "Davis's shift is over and no one came in after him... the door is open and no one is at the store!"

What news! Free Tasty-Kakes and turkey hoagies for everyone! I went back to tell Kyle the news, drinking with a friend at home, amply mixing pain killers and Yuengling Lager.

"Let's GO!" he said.

Hobbling down the road to the store, Kyle fell a few times, badly maiming a shrub with the weight of his cast on more than one occasion. We head into the store, the lights are off, the register is open and empty, and the doors are unlocked. I go for the snacks, flying around the store like I truly was a ninja (as I was dressed for Halloween)... Kyle, in his infinite wisdom went for the lottery tickets. Of course! Why didn't I think of that?

Leaning over the counter, with his plastered leg sticking straight up, Kyle spooled and spooled and spooled the tickets, flowing off of their spindles and into his shirt, his pants, and his cast.

We got home, drank more and passed out. The next morning, I woke Kevin up laughing as I told him to look at his cast, "$1,000 a week for life" tickets dangling from his leg. "Lucky Pots'o'Gold" wrapped around the head of Alex (his friend) who was sleeping on the floor.

Kyle woke up and said: "What the fuck is this?" Due to the stupor of pian killers and booze, he didn't even remember what we'd done the night before.

We spent a good fifteen minutes trying to find al the tickets that were tangled in his shirt, his jacket, his gloves, his cast, and HE searched his pants... "You guys can take all these tickets, I don't want the Karma that's going to come with spending whatever money you win."

You didn't have to tell Alex and I twice. We spent a half hour or so scratching off tickets and popping Tylenol. In the end, we had 162 tickets, for a grand total of $38. Andrew and I cashed the tickets at a DIFFERENT convenience store, and went out for breakfast...and got a case of beer, which we DID share with Kyle.

Moral of the story: you'll never win big with scratch offs. 162 tickets for only 38 bucks? Cooome oooon.