I had one week before we shipped to the desert, so I was in overdrive party mode

Considering the fact that I was in Fondy, in the army and on leave, I am going to submit this as an Oshkosh story. At the time I still owed them about $2500 for the last semester, so I still considered myself a student. I will give you a back story so you can understand why I chose the path I took…

Back track 6 months and you would see my brother telling me he was going to the Middle East and I should go with him. I was previously in the Air Force, I actually posted that story about thumping an RA. I buzzed through basic training and was sent to Mississippi with the unit for our deployment training. Now this lasted about two and a half months, in which we couldn’t drink, there were no girls and fun was at a minimum. Now these facts considered, I had one week before we shipped to the desert, so I was in overdrive party mode. I had a few goals to accomplish in that week and one of them was sleeping with a large woman. In Mississippi, everyone told stories about hogging and hitting some fat taint, but I didn’t have anything to contribute. I decided I would get a story on leave to tell the guys, and maybe even a video. This led me to one of the funniest nights of my life.

Fondy is not a huge town and bars on a Wednesday night are less than spectacular. I went out with best intentions of snagging some fine pun tang that night, not ending up with a plus size woman. The night was pretty normal. We had a great time and ended up getting really drunk. I just couldn’t seem to land a chick … I think they saw the devil in my eyes and the fact that if they went to bed with me that night, there was no way they were waking up next to me. My intentions were more than obvious.

Bar time came and went and we were walking back to someone’s apartment. As we strolled through a parking garage, I spot a plus size beauty walking towards me, and I decided to strike up a conversation. This led to her coming back with us. Now we were sitting there for about 15 minutes and I asked if she wanted to get out of there. (I wasn’t about to do anything in a studio apartment with no privacy). We took off and she said her car was about 10 blocks and we could go back to her place. There was no way in hell I was about to end up at her place with no escape, and then I saw it…my savior shining down on me. Ramada Inn about two blocks up. I brought it up and she thought it was a great idea.

In the room, we started fooling around and she decided a blow job was in the cards. She went down on me with a vengeance and gave great head. Many chicks are self conscious about the lights being on and you would think she would be considering her size, but we left the lights on and things started to get fun. I pulled out my digital camera and started to tape the action and she was the star. Smiling in the camera, talking to it, by god, making love to it. This was going to make great film for all my guys back at the unit, I didn’t think it could get much better than that, but was I wrong.

My memory card filled up so I missed the best part of the action, but it will forever be etched in my memory. After about 20 minutes of oral, we got down to business. I am a big guy so I said get on top, plus I didn’t feel like doing any work. Now I heard stories that big girls fuck like maniacs, and … she was a puma in the sack, riding me like it was her last night on earth. This would be her down fall. She was using the headboard to hang on to, but in a lot of motels the head board is connected to the wall and not the bed. I heard some noises but didn’t pay much attention to it. Then the headboard ripped off the wall and smacked her in the head! I couldn’t believe my eyes, this chick just took a huge blow to the head and fell off to the side. I sat there in shock, naked with a throbbing erection. This only lasted about ten seconds, as a boxer would shake off a mean upper-cut, she shook her head and jumped right back on while throwing the headboard off to the side. I was in complete awe of her tenacity and prowess, she meant business and wasn’t about to let a mild thing like getting smoked in the head by a piece of lumber deter her from the task at hand.

We finished without any other surprises. I sat there and watched her for a few minutes like a young child would watch a lion in a cage. I realized I was sobering up and just wanted to get back to the apartment, fall asleep, and wake up to tell this amazing tale of fortitude and toughness. As I watched her, I devised a plan and put into the execution phase. I put on my clothes and said we should go back to her place, that I didn’t feel comfortable in such a shabby motel. She thought this idea was grand and started to get dressed. As we went to check out I realized that I paid sixty bucks for two hours in a hotel with flying lumber. This was unacceptable and I was about to fix my problem by trying to pull the wool over someone’s eyes. I straightened my face and walked up to the hotel counter and asked for the night manager. This kid who walked up looked naïve and an easy target to say the least. I told him I was sleeping and the headboard fell off the wall and hit the girl I was with in the head. I made up some crap about taking her to the hospital and being extremely shocked by the shabby carpentry. Then I looked him square in the eye and said I wanted a refund in the next twenty seconds or the hotel would be hearing from my lawyer in the morning. He stared blankly at me for about ten seconds and then opened the cash drawer, handed me the money and apologized. He even offered me another room for free, but I was in no mood for any more shenanigans.

So, we turned and walked out the front door. She turned left and then looked back to see me standing there not moving. She told me her car was up that way and we should get going, I looked back at her and told her I wasn’t going with her. She looked at me curiously with a cocked head. I said, “thank you for memories but I have to be going.” She sat there dumbfounded and I turned and walked away, at a fast pace. I walked around town trying to remember where this apartment was, but I had only been there drunk. The sun was coming up when I finally got back. I opened the door slowly and snuck in. At this point I was starving so I opened the freezer and found a box of taquitos.

I managed to eat the entire box and put the empty box back in the freezer. I didn’t know the chick who lived there and would probably never see her again, because she was a friend of a friend of a friend. I thought it would be pretty funny when she wanted to eat some and found an empty box. I guess I wasn’t into being a good person that night.

We all woke up around noon, they were surprised to see me sleeping on the floor. When I got my friends alone, I pulled out my camera and described the night’s escapades. The laughter and applause could be heard all around. We all decided that deserved some Chinese buffet and we headed out.

When I got back to my unit everyone was telling stories about leave. I let everyone tell theirs and then I felt it was time for me to unleash my story. Everyone loved it, and the video. It was a huge hit and we still talk about it nine months after the fact. To this day I have no clue what her name was, and if it wasn’t for the video I probably wouldn’t know what she looked like. I will not lie, if I ever met her again I would probably try to sleep with her a second time. I am sure it would take some convincing, I would probably get slapped, but if it worked I would make sure I had plenty of memory card space to catch all of the action.