I can't wait to wake up on a washer again

My freshman year, I was all about getting drunk as often as possible. For the weekend in question, I decided to go with a few friends to visit some other friends at the University of Buffalo. That Saturday night is where our story began.

Of course, there was a nice frat party to attend. My friends and I arrived up at UB at about 7 PM. And I wasted no time as I started to slam shots from the bottles of various hard liquor we had purchased. After about 10-15 shots, and a couple beers, we decided that it was probably time to hit the party.

About 10 of us met up with another 5 buddies of ours at the party. Four of us spent our first hour huddled around the keg, pounding about 7 beers apiece. So we each had a nice buzz going which meant that it was time to get rowdy. My friend Steve asked me to collect money for people to watch him pour a pitcher of beer on his head and down his pants. Of course this was going to be a scene, so I went around and collected about $30 from people who were interested in seeing this. We provided Steve 2 pitchers, one for his head and one for his pants and let him go. The crowd applauded heartily throughout his performance. Then, as he finished he yelled out, in all his barbaric glory:

"Can you feel that?!?"

Then it was about time to play a little beer pong. My friend, (a different) Steve, and I decided to team up. We won a few games before we finally fell (to worthy opponents). We didn't care because we were fucked up by then. We decided to head back upstairs to the keg. On our way to the keg, we saw the introduction of their funnel known simply as "The Asskicker." It was a big water jug like you find in an office with 4 tubes coming out of it. Beer was filled up to the top.

As luck would have it, Steve and I were the first ones to hit it that night. We must have funneled half that jug before deciding to call it quits. That must have been a good 4-5 beers each right there. Totally messed up, we decided to leave and go get some pizza.

On the way there, a girl that had been a bitch to us early in the night was walking by us. No words were spoken, until I opened my big mouth. Just after she had passed us, I yelled out "That bitch is a fucking lesbian." Everyone within earshot turned to look at us (and at her) and laughed their asses off. That felt good. Justice!

I seriously do not remember eating any pizza that night. But I do remember my friend Eric punching the video game he was playing and yelling obscenities at it.

Eventually we got back to the dorms and chilled in a buddy's room for a while before people started passing out. Eric found a slipper that looked a like a dog and a bear, and said "hello bear, hello dog, HELLO BEARDOG!" We all died laughing. That alone should give you an idea of how drunk we were.

I remember nothing at all from the rest of the night.

The next thing I do remember is waking up on top of a washing machine three floors up. I still have no idea why I was on that washing machine. But at the time my head was so sore I just stayed there. My friends told me the next day that I was mumbling stuff in my sleep as I passed out on the couch in my buddy's room. Then I just got up and didn't come back.

Wacky things do happen when you drink. I can't wait to wake up on a washer again.