I responded to this by muttering “redrum” in his ear while he was sleeping

Making the transition from being living in a single-parent household as an only child for 14 years to rowdy boy’s dorm isn’t and easy one. But, having a teenage daddy’s-little-boy for a roommate I was not prepared for.

He comes from a basic “mommy’s getting a manicure right now go to the nanny” family. He mentions to me on multiple occasions that the reason his side of the room is disgusting is because “I have a maid at home who cleans everything for me”…… (Spoiled or what!?!?!).

He complains constantly about how much he hates our school and I quote “all the freaks here”.

He expressed these feeling to his parents on numerous occasions yet he’s to daft to realize HIS PARENTS DON’T WANT HIM AT HOME!

About a week into school he immediately criticized my choice of friends due to them being weird. Know I’d like to add that all his so-called “friends” are Abercrombie and Fitch rejects with horrible acne.

The real kicker to this part of the story is a majority of his “friends” have admitted to me and others that they only associate with my roommate because of his money (surprising right?).

He accused everyone else of being mainstream and yet he makes fun of me for my interest in Anime? He also has serious status-quo issues, upon my arrival he hung up a surfing poster and used “braa” to punctuate the end of a sentence.

A few weeks later as I walked to the room blaring through the door was a chorus of screams and the repeated chorus of ”rip me in half!!!!!!!!”. This particular saga continued with him discussing the possibilities of him dyeing his hair black from its natural blonde “skater shag”.

The literally the next day he was back in his A&F wardrobe and listening too Maroon 5 and I didn’t criticize him!.

I on the other hand, have a music taste that ranges from all types of music minus rap and country.

One day I was listening to Panic! At the Disco and he ignorantly stated that I was “The whitest black person” he’s ever met. Lets not forget the fact that his “best friend” is the resident wanksta on campus who wears his pajama pants 2 sizes too big!

I am usually a very level headed and passive person. My roommate in blunt terms is a violent pig. He’s requested we fight on numerous occasions but my suspicions lead me to think that this is just an excuse for him to grope me. When me and one my friends in the dorm were play-fighting. my douche of a roommate spotted his chance. This sack of crap jumps into the air and tackles me. I respond my administering him a spinning back kick in the eye. Did I forget too tell him I was an orange belt in Mixed Martial Arts silly me!

Unfortunately my moment of joy was shattered when he pushed me and I landed on my $250 pair of glasses.

Needless to say I didn’t talk to that fu*ker for a week.

But don’t worry I got my revenge it seems some concerned parent, pissed off that nothing was being done about her son’s glasses mentioned the crapload of porn on my roommates computer.

The dean found out and my roommate won’t be seeing his computer till the end of the school year!

Sadly, the lack of hand relief only turned my roommate into a bigger douchebag. The “braa” in every sentence was used once again then replace with a “fu*k”. And he began to loudly talk about his various sexual conquests although his body is DRAPED in cellulite.

He then allowed all his tools to come in our room eat MY food and try on MY clothes. Do you know how unnerving it is to put on a T-shirt you haven’t worn and have it smell like B.O.!!!!!!!!

I responded to this by muttering “redrum” in his ear while he was sleeping and writing it on the mirror. An for all of you who aren’t movie buffs “redrum” spelled backwards is murder……let just say I scared this living crap out of him.

But to top it all of that his douche of a friend threw a pen on my wall which explodes over my desk and most importantly my $35 imported poster (and for those of you saying $35!!!! This poster was pretty badass) which he refuses to pay for!!!! And to top it all off he MASTERBATES AT NIGHT!!!!!!!!!...........WITH MOANING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully next semester I’m getting a roommate change!