I'd never heard of someone bruising their esophagus from drinking before...

I just read the worst story about a girl drinking like six beers and her friend being afraid she would end up choking on her vomit in the middle of the night. First off, unless this girl was a mouse, there is no way in hell that woulda done that to her. Now I on the other hand have a story that tops the one I just read.

My night began at a party with my frat, when I received a phone call from a friend I hadn't seen in a few years who was coming to visit one of his other friends at my school. Well the friend he came to visit, let’s call her asshole, was as inexperienced a drinker as anyone I had ever met.

When I got the call from my buddy he was a little unaware of where to meet me so I had him and his inexperienced friend meet me somewhere everyone knows to go. When I got there, however, I was greeted quite hastily by the young girl in question, she had drank an entire bottle of cheap vodka by herself. Poor girl. Well needless to say within minutes this girl was more than 17 sheets to the wind, and was completely comatose.

I still wanted to hang out with my buddy, so I said, “well she looks all right, let’s just take her back to her dorm and put her to bed.” Unfortunately this proved harder than we originally thought. We only had about 10 minutes before our night ops would be set up and then it would be impossible to check her in as drunk as she was. Not to mention she was passed out in the grass in a very public place.

Then she began to make gurgling noises and we all freaked out. We know now that this was the noise of her vomiting into her lungs. I had the state of mind fortunately to roll her on her side, where she finished puking on my shoes. At this point, we decided to take her home but that maybe we should stay with her. So we take her back to her dorm and when we get there a guy on the front steps of her dorm is playing guitar. Not too uncommon in college. We pay no attention to him and try to drag her body inside still passed out as if she was in a coma.

What we hadn't bet on though was that the guy playing guitar was an RA. Yeah so needless to say he called the police on us. The cop made us take our little friend to the hospital but thankfully he didn’t give any of us tickets for underage drinking. Of course, the trip to the hospital was an adventure, and this is where the story gets fun.

On the ambulance ride, I got to sit up front, and the guy in the ambulance even let me touch a couple buttons that controlled the lights. The medics assured my friend that she wouldn’t die, which helped lighten the mood!

When we got to the hospital the doctors gave our drunk friend some sort of medication that I sampled myself...I figured it would help with anxiety or something, and let me tell you--was I in a state of disarray. Eventually the night wound down, and our little friend came around. She was pretty bad and had to be treated for some sort of bruising of the esophagus.