To know what I did that night, all you had to was ask my f--- buddy or any of the randomhotchicks I met

We all have them, you know what I'm talking about. Those nights where we planned on staying home to finish the accounting and finance assignments that you got an extension on, but fell under the immense peer pressure that only 2nd year university students can give, end up getting WAY too drunk, partying WAY too hard, and ending up doing something we regret the next day.

I don't have those days, mainly because to have regret you'd have to have something called a "conscience", whatever that is. But this night, my drunken stupor was pushed way past the limits of "regret" and well into the regions of Legend. Here are the stats:

• 4 phone numbers
• 2 near fights with guys that would most definitely have sent me to jail (or hospital).
• 1 vicious attack by an old fuckbuddy
• 1 beer thrown on me
• 1 beer cup tower of fame
• 1 make out session with randomhotchick1
• 1 run in with handomhotchick2 with mild down syndrome (was a bit of an asshole here)
• 1 blowjob

For simplicities sake (and because I'm in Business and can't write stories...that's right BUSINESS, wanna fight about it?), it's in chronological order.

7:00- Sat down at my desk, pencil and paper on my left, assignment and textbooks on my right. Determined to finish my 3 late assignments so I don't fail, lose my student loan and flunk out of school.

7:05- Friends come bursting through my door, already drunk and not so calmly cautioning me that if I don't immediately quit working and come party, that I will be unapologetically labeled as a pussy and that in "all seriousness," there are more important things in life than school.

7:06- I tell my friends that they are dumbasses and that unlike them, I have a drive in life and don't plan on being in college for 10 more years on my daddy's salary.

7:30- Arrived at bar (popular Thursday bar in Halifax) for some cheap beers. The plan was to come out for two hours, relax, party a little bit, have a couple drinks then go back home and get back to work. Damn I'm such a responsible person.

8:00- Found a table with all my buddies and ordered 60 beers.

8:30- We're all piss drunk and see another table making a castle out of all their empty beer cups, well fuck that we're taking them on!

8:35- Constructed a bigger castle than them, however there happens to be a bar right above our highest point, damn you inefficient architect!

8:40- They see our mistake and direct theirs so it misses the bar. They get theirs to go higher than ours...fuck

8:45- We start over, and end up building one that touches the fucking ceiling! We are now kings of the bar. Everyone loves us.

8:47- Everyone wants to take pictures with us (mostly me) next to the tower, we charge them a beer a picture.

9:00- A random girl walks by me and ends up spilling some beer on me. I tell her to get a napkin to wipe it up...she walks off, bitch.

9:01- I see another girl who she was with is laughing at me, I tell her to get a napkin so I can clean it up, she says “no” (big mistake). Staying calm, I ask her to give me the newspaper she has on her table so I can use that.

9:02- She tells me no because it's not hers. I could have walked away and left those bitches alone, but fuck that, that's too sensible...I pull her white sweater off of her chair and proceed to thoroughly clean myself with it. Then throw it back to her and turn around to my group. Seemed like the right thing to do.

9:10- Beer sweater girl throws full beer on back of my shirt...I turn around ready to fight the fucking world, and see it's a girl.

9:11- I realize that I can't hit girls (damn my good home training), so I proceed to tell her off like I'm getting paid for it.

9:12- Big BIG guy beside her tells me that it's my fault and to leave while I still can? I told him to get up so I can split his fucking head open, I don't care how big he is.

9:15- I get pulled away from the incident by my friends before either of two things happen, I beat the shit out of him, or more likely, he beats the brakes off of my drunken ass.

9:30- We bounce to a different bar, and close female friend, Deidre, and I run ahead because we have to pee, leaving the rest of the group behind.

10:00- We are in 2nd bar, already peed, just to find out that the rest of our group just went home because they were "too drunk", fucking pussies.

10:10- Deidre and I go to dance floor (which is completely empty) and proceed to dirty dance like nobody's business.

10:15- people start to take notice of our sexual flamboyance and start to join us.

10:45- Dance floor is now packed and Deidre goes upstairs to the patio because she is "too hot" pussy.

11:00- I see randomhotchick1 on dance floor and decide to let her dance with me.

11:01- Walk over to her and do my best impression of the "mashed potato" (if you don't know this dance you need to cut yourself).

11:01- Upon seeing this, she laughs out loudly (obviously to cover up her immediate sexual yearning)

11:02- We start to tango to "shake that ass- eminem"...actually

11:05- We are aggressively making out.

11:06- Boyfriend/Conan the Barbarian comes to ruin it all. He pulls me by the shirt and starts swearing at me (by this point I'm way too drunk to even contemplate what he's saying).

11:08- I start screaming "YOU WANNA GO?" and start to drunkenly punch the 300 lb titan with abs able to grate cheese. He sees what state I'm in and decides I'm not worth it (fucking pussy). He leaves with his gf (who btw slid her # in my pocket while I was dancing with her).

11:10-12:30- I proceed to walk around the club, getting rejected by mostly every girl in the there (except for 3 which actually ended up going well, 2 gave me the digits). I am just way too drunk by this point, plus since Deidre left, I'm all alone.

12:30- I'm in a shitty mood, because things just aren't going my way. I decide to call an old fuckbuddy (she HATES me btw...but that's a whole other story).

1:00- I reach the fuckbuddy's house, she is on her rag, which she decided would be a good time to tell me after I paid $15 for a taxi over there.

2:00- After a LOT of persuasion, she gives me a bj.

2:02- I pull up my pants and head for the door.

2:03- Fuckbuddy tells me to call her tomorrow.

2:03- I laugh hysterically.

2:03- She attacks me with a basket of incense.

2:04- I run out the door and decide to walk home.

2:20- I run into an randomhotchick2 and talk to her.

2:30- Things are going pretty well, she tells me what she does, where she lives, and is generally into me, I take this as a sign that she wants to sleep with me.

2:32- She tells me that she has Asberger's syndrome (a mild case of down syndrome/ OCD)

2:32- I laugh a little but am more intrigued than anything.

2:33- I decide to see how much OCD she has, so I take her purse and mix everything up in it.

2:34- She calls me an asshole and FRANTICALLY moves things around in her purse.

2:36- After walking down the street laughing loudly, I decide that that was a bit of an asshole thing to do, so I scream SORRY ABOUT THAT, I LIKE PEOPLE WITH DOWN SYNDROME, down the street.

2:36- People stare.

2:36- She gives me the middle finger and walks away. (Having already given me her #)

4:00- I arrive home and go to sleep.

Now many of you may ask, "Where were you for that last hour and a half?" And the answer would be, no fucking clue. I blacked out, but still managed to find my way home.

6:30- woke up still as drunk as when I went to sleep, woke up one of my housemates and asked if he could do my work for me and hand it in by 9:00, for which I'd pay him $100 (which I didn't have, and never will).

I ended up gettin a B-, C+ & B+ on my assignments, and am still in school. There's a lesson here somewhere, at least I think so.