I think someone at the bar must have thought she was hot and decided to slip something in her drink

This is my second posting on this website, and it is slightly more serious than "The Dangers of Not Peeing."

In the summer of 2003, there was not much to do in Lexington around UK's campus. The default option was to head to one of several downtown bars - a staple defining the social lives of me and several of my closest friends.

It was college night at one of our favorite bars, and I was the designated driver for several lady friends who were out with me that night. I am commonly known (from Detroit to Cancun) as superior human being who can hold the most insensible amounts of alcohol and still possess the ability to operate a 10 ton piece of farm machinery. It is with this background knowledge that this story takes its shape.

At the bar, I bought only one beer. The rest of the evening I filled up on water and soft drinks. However, toward the end of the evening, one of the ladies offered me a near-full beer because she was “tired of drinking.” Not giving this offer a glimpse of a second thought, I conceded and downed it right away.

After last call, the four ladies and myself climbed into my car. It took about thirty minutes to drop them all off at their respective houses, and I eventually pulled up to my apartment. That’s when things took a strange turn.

I had the presence of mind that had been with me all night, and two beers consumed over three hours by a 200 pound heavy drinker couldn't have possibly had any effect on me. However, as I climbed the staircase to my front door, I felt as if I was watching myself through some sort of distorted television screen. As I finally reached the door, I never once thought about reaching for my keys to unlock the deadbolt. Instead, I pulled my wallet from my back pocket and yanked out a single dollar bill. The idea was that the lock worked like a vending machine; in order to get into the door, I had to put in a dollar.

The next thing I know, I looked down at my watch and saw that the time was 3:30 am. The bars closed at 1:00 am, so for about two hours, I tried to stick a dollar bill in a keyhole in an attempt to get into my apartment. Obviously, two hours of trying to work a dollar bill into a keyhole will wear a guy out, so I gave up and went back to my car, where I passed out for the night.

I awoke the following morning to the sounds of kids playing in the nearby pool and the property's maintenance man trimming hedges. What was strange was that I woke up with the car door wide open and one leg hanging out.

As I looked back over the evening's events, and the oddities that transpired between me and the doorlock, I remembered what happened at the bar. One of the two beers I drank was not mine, and it was given to me by one of my lady friends. I’m fairly certain that someone at the bar thought she was hot and decided to make her a little "easier."

Although I didn't enjoy the weird trip, I do appreciate the fact that I saved her from an ass-raping by some low-life jerk who can't get laid without the help of date-rape drugs.