She had these gorgeous tan, smooth thighs...

There is an annual football game – a huge Big 12 rivalry between UT and OU. The game, which is as heated as the Cold War, is played in Dallas: a neutral site between Austin and Norman, OK. So, one year about six of us from our dorm got a couple of rooms and were headed to Dallas. I had a full big ass bottle of Codiclear, which is pure hydrocodone cough syrup. It’s great; like liquid vicodin without the "deadly" acetaminophen. We, of course, also brought along mucho alcohol and several large ziplocks full of the thickest greenest bud you ever saw.

I rode with my friend Shakes and we slammed cough syrup shots in the morning and drank later all the while getting stoned off our asses. And since I have ADD, I had a new bottle of Adderall, the old real 1960’s shit. (I save up lots of my scripts for events like this along with some Ritalin.)

Being about lunchtime, I steered clear of the speed and partook graciously of the weed. We ordered some pizzas, I think four; then we ordered two more. Then we got sleepy.

We had both slept great the night before and I knew this unnecessary nap would leave us groggy. So I dug out some 20mg Ritalins. These pills are as big as a cookie, so we treat it like one. We place them on the table and grind it into a powder. Then you snort it (like blow, only a hell of a lot cheaper).

Properly fueled, we were able to go out and hunt for local poontang. However, when you are as fucked up as we were, it’s like god is working against your willie and you should pack up your nutz and go home. So, after we passed out (it was inevitable), one of the guys brought his girlfriend back to the place.

I awoke to a muffled voice calling for God. It takes a while for my drug-addled brain to make the connection that Pete is eating out Sandra’s hair pie on the next bed. Having smoked all that doobage, the unavoidable happens and I start laughing. I’m so gone that I can’t stop cracking up … I’m smiling as I type this J. Pete seems not to care about my hysterical laughter (and neither did she). After he has finished her off, he asks me if anyone has a rubber.

No one does.

Still somewhat giddy I said, “man, that must suck.”

Then Charlie blurts out: “you’ll have to hound dog her!”

Tina has great legs. So my suggestion was to “rub your meat on those smooth tan thighs and try not to shoot a big plug of love nectar all over them!”

Wouldn’t you know, he fucking nuts all over her thighs after about four seconds!

I laugh myself back to sleep.