It was followed by the most sickening thud I have ever heard.

We have this friend we respectfully call HeadButt namely because, when intoxicated past the point of speaking English or blinking, he will smash his head against anything.

Many times have I been on the receiving end of one of these skull-cracking smashes which are proceeded by the slurred battle cry “HEADTHBUTTH” and followed closely by a sickening thud and the wincing of everyone around (not to mention a blurring of vision and thunderous migraine for the recipient).

It’s amazing that this kid is in University let alone a functioning human being for all the damage he has done to his head.

The main event occurred on HeadButt’s birthday. He had been drinking since around 12, passed out, gotten up to poke, passed out again, and was back up to drink for another 2 hours before we headed out the bar. Everything went as per usual with him being drowned in shots of Tequila to the point that we left the bar (read: got kicked out because of his unconscious ass) and carried him home.

When we got back one of my buddies had brought a friend who was impressed with HeadButt’s evening of binge birthday drinking and started asking questions about him.

Note: the guy was Asian, short, sloshed, and weighed no more than 150 pounds soaking wet in a paper bag.

In particular the guy wanted to know how HeadButt earned his name. I explained that HeadButt was in Jiu-Jitsu and that was their custom when they went out drinking so he carried over with us. Little did we know that HeadButt was awake (well, he was moving and his eyes were open) and in search of more liquor. I saw him lurch past my dorm room door and the little Asian kid must have seen me look over because he noticed too.

The chase is on as the kid is running after his new martial arts hero with me closely behind, sensing impending doom. It doesn’t take much to catch up with HeadButt as his mind is still likely passed out wherever his body had been.

“So, you’re in Jiu-Jitsu? That is so awesome! I love all that martial arts shit!” The kid gushes like he just slept with Wayne Gretzky.

“Huh” is the only affirmative reply from HeadButt as I watch with stumble a bit then lean against the wall to stop from tumbling back to drunken sleep.

From around the corner my friend, whom the little Asian guy came with, declares he is leaving and if the kid wants a place to sleep he better boot it. The kid acknowledges and turns back to HeadButt with his hand extended for a handshake with his new hero.

HeadButt slaps the hand away and puts his index finger on the kid’s head and then brings it back to his own. The kid’s eyes go wide with excitement and his grin stretches from ear to ear. HeadButt reaches out and clasps the kid’s head between his two hands and leans back, while I turn my eyes away.

“HEADTHBUTTH” or something similar echoes through the residence hallways followed by the most sickening thud I have ever heard.

When I looked back at the wreckage I say HeadButt leaning against the wall giggling to himself and rubbing the top of his head and the kid sprawled unnaturally on the ground, eyes rolled back, and mouth gaping.

He was out cold.

Two minutes later HeadButt is passed out in my bed stinking of puke and alcohol and the kid is still KO’d in my hallway with every chick on the floor trying to wake him up. He eventually wakes up after five or six minutes but has to be carried home by my buddy.

In the morning I discovered that HeadButt and the Little Asian guy had no recollection of anything (surprise?) but that the kid had the worst headache of his life