I convinced myself to calculate oral sex into the equation of the probability of getting laid

The story begins in high school.

Walking into 3rd period class the first day of senior year. Not having any friends of mine enter the class yet, I located and sat down in an empty row. Minutes later, a beautiful girl sits down next to me. I look up and see a chest like no other. The first question that comes to mind is: Is she a virgin? And if so how long will it take to drink some cherry pop? (Steal her V-card).

Right before the bell, two of her friends sit down in my row, and behind them, my buddy. But the seats in my row were taken, and I wasn't willing to move for him. It was ok though, he found a seat next to me in the next aisle. As we both stared at the three potential virgins along my row, we come up with three names for them for the rest of the semester. (Out of respect they will not be named).

That day, walking home from school, I was given an ultimatum. Either I make sweet love to one of these girls, or I don't get the $50 bucks in my friend's hand. I would receive that payment upon sexual intercourse with any one of these girls I knew so little about.

As weeks pass and no progress made, the girls and myself start talking about sex in class. One girl surprisingly asks, for the benefit of herself, if I personally would have anal sex with a girl while on her period.

A great question, I had put many hours of thought into. At that point I realized a girl with that on her mind has no V-card in her pocket and has now been eliminated. Her friend responds, "I have once, but it hurt too much." Elimination #2. All that was left was the quiet one turning red. At that very moment the quest began for penetration.

Time passes and our major essay soon due, I found myself increasing chatter. My first step in the doorway. Somehow, I convinced the left over virgin I could tutor her before the spring exam. She received an 'A', and all of a sudden we were dating.

It is important to note, she kindly offered her virginity to me after the 3rd date. I thought this stuff only happened in movies. A great turn of events.

Once we were officially dating for several months we were both off to different colleges in different cities. I went away, but the idiot I am, convinced myself to stay with her. Entering statistics as a major, I calculated the odds of getting laid at school and concluded staying with my girlfriend was a fixed lay every three weeks or so. Something not many people get in college without entering a relationship.

As Thanksgiving approached and the residence girls already giving bj's in the halls, I convinced myself to calculate oral sex into the equation of the probability of getting laid and how often in college.

My conclusion was "turkey drop". For those unfamiliar with this term, it is dumping your girl over Thanksgiving weekend and coming up to school a new man.

The chicken that I am we stayed together throughout the school year, her coming up and me coming home fairly often.

I tell you, college changes a person. When I had the energy to party, I wanted to go out with my friends and visit her while drunk. That did not last very long and we decided to go our separate ways.

What this story had yet to mention was her unbelievable talent for giving oral sex. Honestly, she would be a millionaire with those techniques.

Somehow, I convinced my ex-girlfriend of over a year, to continue with casual sex to get over each other. Kind of a transition period. After she realized that sex was the only reason I was seeing her, she cut that off. I was devastated. Where would I ever find nookie like that again?

Three days late, my first night out since the cut-off, about 25 of us, girls and guys, went to a club. I in fact am not a dancer. I dance if it is crowded and I cannot be noticed. I suck at that sport considering my athletic ability.

But, going against human nature, only after a few (7) beers I make my way to the dance floor, and discover the newest and greatest discovery on picking up girls.

In any crowd there is one guy that will harass a girl on the dance floor until she is willing to dance back and give you some attention. I am not that guy. I am the guy that is asked, barely knowing the girl to pretend I am with her so the stalker would disappear.

For hours later, in her bedroom, began my first sign of the messiah. Nothing beats new vagina and vagina I had missed. I had forgotten what it looked like in those what would now be four days.

Somehow, the new girl found out my casual confrontations with my ex-girlfriend and wanted nothing to do with me soon after. But it was good while it lasted

This roller coaster of emotions have sent me into my ground where I deserve to be, but once you hit rock bottom there is only up from there.

There are many lessons to learn from this story:

1) I am not a storyteller, but a bored employee given a computer.

2) I am writing this story on behalf of my friend, the protagonist of these events. Told in first person by myself.

3) He will have a laugh when he comes across this one.

4) For short-term purposes, you are better off lying to the opposite sex.

5) Never go for the hottest chick in the crowd unless that chick is your professor.

6) Confidence in yourself is all I ask of you. Act as if… you are the vice president of your firm, act as if you have a 9" cock. And to do this you must dress a certain way. I don't know what your financial situation is, but after college you can outfit your wardrobe but in the meantime just get one suit to hold you over.

Oh yeah, I still have that $50 bill.

Period sex is fine and safe