"Yo, the whole kitchen is burning!"

This truly has to be one of the funniest stories of my college career. I can stil barely gather any sort of focus as I recount last night's events so I can submit this fuckin story. This is probably why I'm broke and on the 5-6 year college plan.

Still hungover as FUCK from the night before, my friend/roommate managed to wake me up in order to figure out if he could use my bag so he could go the gym. Seeing how I had been going to the gym for like a month straight and definitely noticing results, I figured I should bite the fuckin bulllet and go to the gym as well.

After a good workout I decided I better spend some of my last dollars getting extremely fucked up. I bought a case of Schooner, and started drinking at like 6pm, makin some good fuckin steaks to eat as well.

By 12 I had finished probably 16 beers, so it was a pretty good idea to head out to the bar. My roommate and I eventually had a few shots and many beer. The crazy part of the night happened at Ducky's a popular bar for those not into the whole football player/stupid jock variety.

I ran into a homeboy who was able to get me and my roomate some good ol' shroomz. Seeing how it's harder to come across some more intense drugs, I had to jump on the opportunity. We bought a quarter of shrooms, and me and my friend split the magic fungus amongst ourselves. We ate them on the way home from the bar.

By the time I got home, I figured it was a brilliant idea to cook 2 more steaks and enjoy my high, only there was one problem: I could barely fuckin concentrate to handle the cooking situation properly. I ended up pouring rice to go along with the steaks, but spilled the rice all over thestove and floor. Then I decided that it would be better to get rid of the rice all together.

Right now, as I look at the kitchen area, I can't determine whether I chose to dump the cup of rice down the sink or in the garbage: there's rice everywhere. I remember going up stairs to my room, but then promptly began trashing the place to shit. It was ridiculous. What's more is while I was trashing my room, I could smell something burning the entire time, only I couldn't gather myself to check it out. I was totally dedicated to the task at hand, the destruction of my bedroom.

Suddenly I heard my friend coming up the stairs saying "Yo, the whole kitchen is burning!" as I stood completely naked throwing things about. I then fell on my bed and wandered into complete insanity. I woke up at 10:30 in the morning to a completely demolished room, was not able to find my glasses, suddenly wondering where my two steaks were, and still tripping balls.

Downstairs, my roomate was asleep on the couch, as I scan the downstairs area there was no evidence that two steaks were even made or eaten. I then realized my roommate had devoured my burned-to-shit steaks. I asked him how my two steaks tasted and he says "They started off alright, then they got kinda sour". I drink my remaining two beers, all the while stepping in rice that seems to be one with the kitchen floor.

Suddenly on the TV Guide channel I notice one of Keanu Reeves oh-so-classic movies is playing, that gripping 90s classic, Johnny Mneumonic. I'm still watching it right now, realizing that Ice-T is actually in the movie, and really understanding how stupid of a movie it is.

All in a good night/morning!!!