God, I can't wait to start classes in September!

Well, I looked in the UMass Lowell section and I was frankly pissed to see the lack of stories! I figured I would add (and continue to add) stories from my experiences.

This story comes from my orientation this past week. Due to taking the last orientation slot, I got boned in selecting classes and making a schedule.

Anyways, this week was hellishly hot. 90 - degree temperature plus humidity that would make you question whether you were in MA or Florida. Well, I planned on meeting everyone there, but that didn't happen cuz we were all too fucking baked to even think. That's the only reason why for the most part, orientation sucked.

So, I got to orientation, smiling in my cool clothes, new hat, etc. and I looked at the huge - ass line to get into check in. I waited outside as the sun shone happily on my goddamn back for a half hour. I nearly burnt my back, and sweating just turned you into a wet mass of skin because of the humidity.

After check in, I went up to my room in one of the dorms, and I'm met by an oven - like blast of heat as I opened the door to my room. I screamed a traditional "FUCKING HELL!" down the hallway. My roommate walks past and laughs affirming that he had the same response.

Skip down to getting assigned to my group. I got the tiniest group in the whole orientation. It was 8 people while most groups were 25 plus. And there were 22 groups. Shit. And: add insult to injury. We had the most diverse, weird, fucked up but coolest group ever. We had the 2 porker chicks. They were cool and we became fast friends. Then we have the one hot chick... who is 17. Now, we got this guy who pisses the fuck out of me. He knows the chick mentioned above will be 17 till like, next January, but he continued to hit on her. Now... He is 28... and just entering into college. This guy might be like, decently good looking, but creepy as fucking hell. He looks like he could be a rapist. And he seems reasonably cool. He looked back at me and did that, whudup nod to me often... like he was either watching me or... like you’re dead meat. And he left for the night! He didn’t stay at the dorms with all us 500 others. Anyways, just talking about this is getting me pissed so...

We split up... go on with our activities. Inside, where the temperature is 110 in a room. Thankfully, for our writing assessment, they provided us some AC!. I lost weight by standing in one spot. If not for the heat part, I'd love to slim down even more just standing there and writing this story.

Skip to dinner. I met up with the guy who'll be my roommate in my upcoming year. I met a few other guys there and I decided to chill with them. (I was getting tired of tall, dark, and pedo.) Now, while I was hangin' with them, I met up with this sweet chick. She was wicked toned, and cute. Dodgeball was coming up, and we were all raring to play. The heat was makin' us pumped to blow off some steam. We formed a team of me, hot chick, my roomie, the guy he was chilling with, and two other guys who are equally cool. (I just forget their names) We formed the Juggernauts (Kinda like the Juggernaut from X Men 3) In fact, as a joke, when we went out for our matches, we yelled. "Were the Juggernaut, Bitch!" in homage to the film.)

Before we hit the games, I must make mention of the funny- ass skit. All the OL's (Orientation Leaders, or Group Leaders.) did a hilarious skit on different types of emotions felt at college, and ironically they chose a party scene... the very scene they were trying to tell us to avoid. Hmm.

Dodgeball! Fuck Yeah! Teams formed and other students played Jeopardy while others simply hung out, hooked up, etc. Our team kicked ass in dodge ball till we got the crap kicked out of us by this group of like, 14-year-old kids. IT FUCKING SUCKED. Oh Well, I tried taking us out for drinks from the vending machines, only to find out they didn’t work. Sucks, huh. After that, I chilled with the local pool sharks and caught up on my pool skills. It was madd fun.

After getting back to our dorms, I showered and then went outside with the mass of students. When they brought out a keg... of water, everyone lined up... No cups. We drank out of Styrofoam bowls. WTF. Oh well. I didn’t feel social, so I stood around and looked madd sexy in my scrubs and American Eagle hat.

So, we were sent to our temporary dorm rooms in Leitch Hall by 11, and I just chilled. I was too hot to sleep, so I listened to some tunes on my iPod then decided to fake going out to the bathroom. I walked toward the bathroom but took a turn and rapped on a friend's room and they let me in. We all faked the bathroom run and all got into another friend's room. So now we have like 7 people and we all are chillin' having fun. It kicks ass, and I wanna see the hot bitch again. Sooooo. I call her up, and I manage to climb out the window onto a fire escape. We all followed suit and so did the chick. Eventually, we wandered behind the building... and we were behind there for an hour or so, going at it like bunny rabbits.

I was content, and rejoined my friends, who had been joined by two more people. So the nine of us cruised around the four residence halls of UML's east campus. We were just strollin', laughin it up, till the haze that fell over Lowell showed us the Campus police were out... And then the sirens came. FUCK! We ran like track students on speed back to our dorm, up the fire escape, and into the window. I was the last one in and I made it just as the fuzz rounded the corner. We needed to get the fuck out... fast. I knew the OL would be piss poor tired at 2:30 in the morning, so I walked out and chatted it up with him about some questions of a personal nature I didn't feel like asking in front of people. So while he looked at me the other the way. One at a time, my friends quietly walked back to their rooms or the bathroom. Success!

So I spent the rest of the night pumpin the tunes with my orientation roomie. We shared our memorable high school moments and laughed the shit out of it all. We didn’t even think of sleep…

Next morning, I felt like playing some more pool, so I owned this one kid and got owned by another. I got the digits of the one who was gonna be a resident on campus.

After breakfast in Fox Hall, the 18 story residence... tower? It was off to a tour of North campus. Not like we had a map of north engraved everywhere but our asses. Then, at lunch, I got some booze sneaking tips from one of the OL's. This guys kicks the most ass ever. He taught me how to sneak it into the "dry" dorms, and how to get a good party going without any hitches from RA's and finished by telling us how to clear out our shit before the room inspections.

The experience was topped off by the OL's getting away from any leadership and told us what they were really like... Boozin' partying, hard workin, UML lovin' college students.

God I can't wait till September. GO UMASS LOWELL!