My gay friends went to the wet t-shirt contest, while I chose to play naked volleyball

Spring break is a complete madhouse any where you go but I seem to have had a pretty crazy one this year. I flew down to Florida where I was meeting some good friends that had driven down from Michigan. I didn’t have a hotel. I didn’t have transportation. I didn’t have much money, and I didn’t pack anything but booze a swim trunk and a towel.

I was ready.

My buddies pick me up from the airport in Panama City and we drive to the beach where they have a hotel. I start drinking a bottle of Captain as soon as I am in the car. They tell me to slow down; I tell them to stop being bitch. We get to the hotel which is awesome. There are women in bikinis running around, kegs in half the rooms and it’s all right on the beach. I get to work, walking from room to room with my bottle. Talking to random people, drinking other peoples booze while not giving up any of my own, and hitting on every girl I see regardless of looks or personality. It’s going great but I am not sleeping on my friend’s floor and am not going to spend too much money, so I have to wing it.

We get these passes for like five different clubs for like 25 bucks which I’m still mad about because I could have stolen some from smaller people. Then it’s on to the bars. From like 8 to 11 it was all you can drink. I start pouring the beer into my face. We have beer fights and I manage to toss a bunch of beer onto some girls who were not pleased. I demand a wet t-shirt contest with beer and they try to get me thrown out which almost worked. At 2:00 am the bars don’t close, but they do stop serving.

I am completely drunk off my ass and I don’t know where anyone else is. I say fuck it and find new friends. I just walk up to anyone and start talking about nothing. I end up getting in some car with some other guys that I don’t know and we go to an after hour club. I pick a girl who has a great body with those nice boobs, not too big not too small, and she has a great tan, and these long legs. She has a hotel near by. We walk up there and we hook up which I have to say was great. I sleep there. End of night one.

I walk back from there at 6:45 in the morning which was insane because my friend’s hotel was like five miles away. I end up walking with some other guy that has done the same damn thing. We are even at the same hotel. He and I stop at a store and buy beer for the walk which was nice because he paid for it and I bought nothing. When I get back all my friends are asleep, of course. They were not pleased to be awakened at 8:00 am. I told them my story and told them what lame asses they are for sleeping in a room with a bunch of guys when there are all these women around.

The next day we get drunk on the beach, and head to some huge bar that was like 10 miles away. We walked forever. I had put suntan lotion in the shape of a smiley face on my stomach and my phone number on my back. We drink all day and into the night where there was some real wet t-shirt contest. All my friends are gay so they went. You might think that I am gay for not going. For those of you that have never been to a wet t-shirt contest, let me tell you how it is. A few girls get on stage and get naked while 1000 guys are in the crowd with boners, it’s pretty gay, and nobody gets laid except the announcer. Instead I find some girls and play volleyball in the dark. This ended up being naked volleyball in the dark. This then led to sex on the beach in the dark. I would love to say that I screwed like ten girls but it was only one. I then stayed at her place with her friends in the same room.

I stayed with her for the next few days doing it pretty much every where. Never go into those foam pits because there are people like me having sex in them. Never get one of those beach chairs because people like me have sex on them. And never go into the hot tub, well you get it.

The last night I had to ditch this girl and get one more in before the week ended with my return to cold Washington. So I left and turned off my phone and got together with my friends. We went to a really cool bar on the beach which had a couple of bands and was massive because all the bands were playing at once. I end up getting really drunk on my buddies’ tabs and so there I was just walking around, when this guy bumps into me and for no reason I just punched him. He fell down and I ran because I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I stay in the bar because it is so damn big that there will be no consequences…riiight.

I end up talking to this one girl who after a little talking into it, wants to have sex. Her friends won’t let her go but we sneak off in a crowd. I have no place to go with this girl and we can’t go back to her place because of the friends. So I talk my buddies into letting me use their place but I have to do it on the floor. The girl and I are walking out when there he is. The guy I punched for no reason, talking to a cop with all his rather big friends around. I stop dead in my tracks.

He sees me.

He points and says something like they do in the movies only I’m really drunk and those are real cops, and real big friends. I run back into the bar leaving the girl behind and hiding for the sake of not getting sued or getting my ass kicked. I see one of my friends. I get his attention and tell him why the hell I’m hiding. He gathers up everyone while a cop probably looking for me walks right by me. We end up sneaking out the back and getting a ride with some dude who just picked us up for no reason.

I still have a mission and that is winging it. It is not late enough to call it a night so I head out, leaving my friends behind. The mission failed and I ended up passed out in the bath tub with my clothes on. All and all I think I did a pretty good job.