They're a bunch of frauds. A lot of the weird cries coming from The Tomb at Yale came about after a needle went through the hand..."

After an intensive investigation, I have found many answers to the enigmatic secret Yale University society, the Order of Skull and Bones (AKA The Brotherhood of Death). Also, it has been substantiated that former First Lady Barbara Bush arrived in the United States on the Mayflower and was part of the original Mayflower Pilgrims of the early 1600s.

"We uncovered Barbara Bush's history while investigating Skull & Bones," said Sagebrush Siro, professor of forensic engineering at K. Karllton Karlisle's Internet Arts and Sciences College, who spearheaded the academic side of this investigation. "Facts surrounding the former First Lady have set current American History ablaze. Barbara Bush always prided herself in being one of the foremost Grands of the Daughters of the American Revolution, but now we know she herself dates back to being one of the first Colonialists at Plymouth Rock."

Siro said the former First Lady fought the British right alongside Gen. George Washington and sometimes, even was Major Gen. Andrew Jackson's "Right Hand." She has always had an unabashed patriotism. Her actions have made her one of the most beloved of all First Ladies.

"It's also made her an American war hero second to none, including George Herbert Walker Bush, her husband, President. #41 and himself a well-decorated Navy fighter pilot in the Pacific Rim during WW-II," Siro said. "Barbara Bush tricked the U.S. military into making her a soldier because back then, she concealed her actual identity and fought in the Revolutionary War as `Bob Bush.'"

Meanwhile, the Skull & Bones Society has included some of the most powerful and influential men of U.S. history. Presidents, cabinet officers, university presidents, spies, industrial tycoons and even Supreme Court Justices are Skull & Bones "Bonesmen." President George W. Bush and his father, George H. Bush, were both Skull & Bones members at Yale. Even the president's grandfather, Prescott Bush, was a Bonesman. It's even been found that former Democratic Presidential hopeful John Kerry was a Skull & Bones member.

What goes on inside the inner sanctum of the society's meeting place at Yale has always been shrouded in mystery. This windowless building, dubbed "the morgue," is a place of mystery and even macabre legends. For instance, at odd hours of the day and night, the Morgue has always been the source for weird cries and sounds. For generations, there have been all sorts of speculations and rumors concerning the horrid screams that emanate from the drab, mausoleum-like structure on the Yale campus.


But this place is not supernatural, other-worldly or special. It's nothing more than an overly glorified textile mill. Where 60 Minutes, CBS News, the New York Observer and other major media outlets have failed, College Stories writers and editors have substantiated the truth as a bit of a yawner: Since 1832, Skull & Bones is a very morbid name for a very small group of very, very rich young men who have perennially made up a sewing and knitting circle.

"There's nothing extraordinary about Skull & Bones," said Morry T. Fishfurter, who was thrown out of the society because he tried to poison a competitor in a sew-off during the early 1970s. "They're a bunch of frauds. A lot of the weird cries coming from The Tomb at Yale came about after a needle went through the hand or finger of some know-it-all knucklehead."

"They made up all this hocus-pocus stuff about espionage, knowing secret ladders to the heavens and into Hades, and comprising the real coterie that makes all the big decisions of the world. Well, the Knights Templar they're not – they're nothing more than a lot of fruit pies who are addicted to sewing socks and creating elaborate quilts."



Fishfurter, now a criminal lawyer in Cleveland, Ohio, said along with the Skull & Bones distinction came Sunday and Wednesday nights fit for a Martha Stewart extravaganza: The first thing you get is a knitting needle, some thread and a pattern to make a skull and crossbones potholder," Fishfurter said. "From there you go on to knitting bigger things, like afghans, quits and flags. Legend has it that Prescott Bush quilted an afghan big enough to keep the Presidents of Mt. Rushmore warm during prairie winters. He did it during long boring winter weekends, after long bouts with insomnia and once, when he was lovesick over a cute undergraduate from some other prestigious school in Connecticut, New Hampshire or Delaware."



Skull & Bones inducts only the most promising Yale undergraduates late in their junior year at the New Haven, Conn. Institution. A very embittered Fishfurter said a smokescreen has always surrounded Skull & Bones because if the Lacrosse, Rowing and Pigskin teams at Harvard, Princeton and Cornell got wind of the sewing circles, Yale men would be maligned and disparaged to cruel degrees. According to reports, Skull & Bones recently began inducting Yale upperclassmen women into its ranks. I found the young ladies want nothing to do with sewing, knitting and homemaking, however.