2 Fast 2 Furious
Some critics may be aghast and blast the cast of the last The Fast And The Furious for reasons that are spurious, but I'm here for those of you that are still curious. So, the movie claims to be furious and stocked with cars that are luxurious ... but has its rating amassed enough to pass the past FAST? Yes -- not only has it surpassed the last, and even though it's liable to be harassed, it's the summer's biggest surprise blast.
The plot, of course, takes the backseat to these cars, and unfortunately it's only a 2-door. There's little going on story-wise, but the writers knew that keeping the story little was wise. No one's here to be moved -- they're here to watch these cars move. The only twists and turns will be foreshadowed with a blinker.
Paul Walker has moved from LA to Miami, where he's now part of the racing underworld that he infiltrated as a cop in the first one. Even though there's been a change of oceans, this sequel goes through the same motions. The only thing cooler than these racers are their tanks of Nitrous Oxide, and the only thing bigger than their egos are their engines.
And the only thing smaller than these actors' talents is their artistic integrity! The only Oscar-gold any of these guys will see has probably been melted down to make another necklace for Ludacris.
Tyrese takes responsibility for the "furious" in the title. And what makes him so mad? "I got a problem with authawity," he sneers. "Actually, I've just got a problem saying the word 'authority.' Authawrity. No, authari--- no, no, I can get this, just hang on. Authawr -- sonofabitch."
Paul Walker is the only returning member from the original, and his vacant expressions prove that he's certainly not the "fast" the title refers to. His head doubles as an air bag.
"How do ya like them apples?!" Walker proudly shouts in a fit of PG-13 friendly taunts.
"I think your line is, 'How do ya like them apples, bro?!' bro," warns Tyrese. "Bro, you wouldn't want the audience, bro, to think we ain't cool, bro," adding: "Authawrity. Damnit!"
Eva Mendes shows up only often enough to convince us that Paul Walker and Tyrese aren't lovers. After every line, Walker and Tyrese stare at each other dreamily, as if to say, "You've got all the horsepower I'll ever need." These two look like they're ready to trade in their "bros" for "shnuklebuns."
Ludacris doesn't so much "act" as he does "Act a Fool." Saying things like, "And the loser will ... hand over dem keys" and sporting an afro bigger than a Mariachi musician's sombrero, Ludacris has lived up to his title even more so than the movie itself.
The loose plot finally catches up with 2 Fast by the third act, and it spins into a sort of made-for-TV wasteland. Not that it really matters -- the majority of the film is mindless fun, even though the emphasis is on "mindless." The cars are the stars of this movie, and I'm not just saying that because Paul Walker is devoid of any shred of talent.
Now dashboard out to the theater to see it. You won't be dashbored.
"Authawrity ... DAMNIT!"
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2 Fast + 2 Furious = 4 Beers.
Odds are you'll be seeing this one with your buddies. But with the sodomy laws repealed, who knows?
Buy This Double-sided poster At AllPosters.com
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Buy This Poster At AllPosters.com
Buy This Poster At AllPosters.com
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1) The Fast And The Furious
2) Shaft (2000)
3) Die Another Day
