The Space-Time Continuum and Keg Stands
by Ben Applebaum
Time can change speeds. Hey, that's what Einstein said and you can take up that argument with him. He said that time is relative to the entities experiencing it. The famous example to illustrate this point is: if a man were to travel close to the speed of light - observers on Earth would see (with great binoculars) what appears to be a man in suspended animation. But to him, life on Earth would be in fast forward. A second to him could represent years to us. Thus time is relative.
On as smaller scale, in our lives, the unit of time can be seen as marked by our life milestones. In the beginning they come fast and furious (fertilization, mitosis, developing a spinal cord) and even continue at a steady clip after birth (walking, talking, reading). But as in most processes, things eventually slows down. The milestones become fewer and farther between. Although to us, subjectively, we see things as speeding up, like the guy approaching the speed of light. Our time seems to be accelerating but, objectively, it is actually slowing down. So the theory of relativity still holds true on this level: a year to a middle-aged man is not the same to his newborn son.
All of this to say that the four years at college is a milestone in most of our lives. This explains why college to college student seems to occur at a normal pace, but it looks like a mere blip to a septuagenarian. Learning, loving, drinking, self discovery, getting caught in mid-self discovery - all of this happens between freshman and senior years. Hell, you can go four years in the real world without a raise or even a change in your daily breakfast. But the four years at school are truly life changing.
Luckily, marriage, reproduction and retirement all come in the next fifty years after graduation and each mark their own milestones. (Personally, I would add another Steeler's Super Bowl victory, but that's also subjective.) So what's the point you ask? Nothing, I reply, it just all came together.
And this all leaves me with several confused readers, a few worried loved ones and an article that is about to end. Or is it?
