Wenis sidled up to them and began to work his magic.

We couldn't wait to get out of class -- which is no different than any other day. But this was special: the first mixer of the year with (reputedly) the hottest sorority on campus. Front-loading started around 4pm in anticipation of their 7pm arrival. We concocted some "Spanish Fly" punch: grain alcohol with Kool-Aid to enhance our physical appeal.

Anyway, Wenis, always intimidated by beautiful women, had begun to imbibe eagerly around 3pm. He had his own recipe for success: tequila shots with Colt .45 chasers. It was an acquired taste; unfortunately it was also rocket fuel for a frenetic mind. He became agitated as the afternoon grew, and by 7pm he began a search for some young lady with which to copulate.

At the bar stood four of their finest: pure blond-haired and blue-eyed nirvana. Wenis sidled up to them and began to work his magic.

"BLACK POWER, BITCH!!" he snarled, gesticulating wildly in some sort of 'raise the roof' motion.

They were initially confused, since he was Irish. Then, they were simply aghast. Clearly unused to such palaver, they exited the party in approximately a nanosecond.

"I'll never get laid. Shit, I'll never get laid, baby," Wenis yelled.

"You know why?" I moved toward him. "Because you frighten the shit out of women. They're afraid you're gonna freak out on them -- like pull out your dick and go fucking nuts."

"That's right" he said. "Kiss the sky, baby!" He pursed his thumb, forefinger and the middle finger of his right hand, touched them to his lips, and pumped his arm over his head. He laughed crazily and stumbled off towards the dance floor to accost others.

A female bystander turned to me. "What the fuck is his angle?"
"He's from Jupiter," I responded.
"What?"
"Jupiter!"
"Obviously the kid's out there, but Jupiter?"
"Yes, Jupiter...Florida.

How fucking perfect is that?"