Eric opened up the door, and the police proceeded to tell them that they knew two kids had run into "this dorm."

Roger and I were good friends from back home in New York. One Saturday night we went clubbin' and bar hopping with Roger's roommate Eric and another friend of ours named Kevin. At about 1 a.m. or so, we were in Roger's car on our way back to the dorms when all of the sudden Eric and Kevin wanted to get out. It wasn't because they had to vomit. It was to cause all sorts of mischief at the local driving range. However, Roger and I were too tired and just wanted to chill out at the dorms. So we argued. Not that we were objecting to their criminal plans, as we had done our fair share of mischief at this establishment many times before.

After arguing for a few minutes, we left Eric and Kevin at the range and told them that they could find their own way home. Roger and I got back to his dorm; we cooked up some food, drank some more, and talked about the fun walk our buddies had ahead of them. I was still watching TV (I'm an insomniac) when Roger retired to his room.

A couple hours later, as I was about to doze off, I heard Eric and Kevin bust through the door. And just as my eyes grew accustomed to the light, I saw something that I would have much rather not seen, ever. My two buddies were standing near me taking off their clothes. Thank God they stopped short of getting completely naked and decided to leave on their underwear. Eric and Kevin then yelled to me to lock the door, turn off the lights and go into Russell's room (Russell was our roommate that went home every weekend). A few seconds later, we heard a forceful banging at the door.

"It's the police, we know you are in there, open up the door!"

I don't think I could have possibly been any more scared or confused. Eric opened up the door, and the police proceeded to tell them that they knew two kids had run into "this dorm." I came out of the room, playing dumb, to ask what was going on. We all claimed we had been sleeping and that we had to go to work the next day -- which, of course, was a blatant lie.

Then the police knocked on Roger's door. He didn't know exactly what the hell was going on, but it wasn't too difficult for him to realize that whatever it was, it was pretty serious what with the cops at the door and Kevin cowering in a fetal position underneath his desk.

After Roger had "passed the test," the cops moved on to Giovanni's door. Giovanni was their third roommate -- a diminutive and hostile paisan. He had been passed out in his room for hours after getting annihilated at some seedy bar somewhere. The cops knocked on the door for what seemed like a lifetime. Giovanni had this totally confused and pissed off look on his face that I'll never forget. And he was barely able to stand, when one of the cops yelled "IT WAS HIM!!" Giovanni just said something like "whhatttta the fuuuuckkyoutalkinABOUT?" If I weren't so damn scared, I would've probably laughed myself into a coronary. Eventually, the cops left without arresting anybody.

The next morning when we woke up, Eric and Kevin told us what they did. After getting bored with their usual mischief, they decided that they didn't want to walk home. Instead, they decided to take the golf cart that is used to pick up the range balls and drive it back to the dorms. Besides the whole stealing of private property thing, this was quite a hike. The range is a good five miles away from the dorms. And the only way to get to the dorms from the range is on a very dangerous state highway. Words truly cannot describe the magnitude of this heist.

They told us that they looked like they were going to make it back fine. As they pulled into the school, a cop pulled them over. Apparently the cop thought they were RAs and wanted to know if they needed any help with their flat tire, which they didn't even know they were riding on. A few minutes later, the cop put two-and-two together, and that's when all hell broke loose.

The next time I went drinking with those fools, I made sure to hail a cab.